Justin Bieber posted a lengthy message on his Instagram page on Monday about his struggles with depression and use of “heavy drugs.”
The 25-year-old singer admitted that he started doing “pretty heavy drugs” at the age of 19 and “abused” all of his relationships.
“I felt like I could never turn it around. It’s taken me years to bounce back from all these terrible decisions, fix broken relationships, and change relationship habits,” the Sorry singer wrote.
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He said that growing up as a child star led him to make “every bad decision you could have thought of” by the age of 20.
“I have a lot of money, clothes, cars, accolades, achievements, awards and I was still unfulfilled,” he shared.
“Have you noticed the statistics of child stars and the outcome of their life? There is an insane pressure and responsibility put on a child who’s brain, emotions, frontal lobes (decision making) aren’t developed yet.
“No rationality, defiant, rebellious, things all of us have to go through. But when you add the pressure of stardom it does something to you that is quite explainable.”
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He opened up about his humble beginnings as the son of two teenage parents in Stratford, Ont., and how it all changed at the age of 13 when he started to become successful.
“You see I didn’t grow up in a stable home, my parents were 18 separated with no money still young and rebellious as well.”
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The Canadian pop star said that as his “talent progressed,” he became “ultra successful” within just two years.
“My whole world was flipped on its head. I went from a 13-year-old boy from a small town to being praised left and right by the world with millions saying how much they loved me and how great I was,” he wrote.
“I don’t know about you but humility comes with age. You hear these things enough as a young boy and you actually start believing it. Rationality comes with age and so does your decision making process (one of the reasons you can’t drink until you’re 21).”
He said everyone did everything for him during his formative years, adding that he never “learned the fundamentals of responsibility.”
“By this point I was 18 with no skills in the real world, with millions of dollars and access to whatever I wanted. This is a very scary concept for anyone,” the I Don’t Care singer wrote. “By 20 I made every bad decision you could have thought of and went from one of the most loved and adored people in the world to the most ridiculed, judged and hated person in the world!”
He went on to describe that “being on stage according to studies is a bigger dopamine rush than almost any other activity.”
“These massive ups and downs on their own are very hard to manage. You notice a lot of touring bands and people end up having a phase of drug abuse, and I believe it’s due to not be able to manage the huge ups and downs that comes with being an entertainer.”
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Bieber credited his marriage to Hailey Baldwin, whose father is actor Stephen Baldwin, as helping establish more healthy habits.
“Luckily God blessed me with extraordinary people who love me for me,” he wrote. “Now I am navigating the best season of my life: MARRIAGE!
“Which is an amazing crazy new responsibility. You learn patience, trust, commitment, kindness, humility and all of the things it looks like to be a good man.”
The pair wed in a courthouse ceremony last year and are planning a religious ceremony sometime this year.
“All this to say even when the odds are against you keep fighting,” Bieber wrote.
“Jesus loves you… BE KIND TODAY. BE BOLD TODAY AND LOVE PEOPLE TODAY NOT BY YOUR STANDARDS BUT BY GODS PERFECT UNFAILING LOVE.”
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In March, Bieber shared a message to Instagram saying he’d “been struggling a lot.”
The What Do You Mean? singer said he was in midst of the “most human season I’ve ever been in.”
“Just wanted to keep you guys updated a little bit hopefully what I’m going through will resonate with you guys,” Bieber captioned a photo of himself with manager Scooter Braun and Kanye West.
“I always bounce back so I’m not worried just wanted to reach out and ask for you guys to pray for me,” he wrote.
“God is faithful and ur prayers really work thanks .. the most human season I’ve ever been facing my stuff head on.”
In an interview with Vogue in February, Bieber revealed that he had abused Xanax to cope with his issues in the past.
“I found myself doing things that I was so ashamed of, being super promiscuous and stuff, and I think I used Xanax because I was so ashamed,” he said.
“My mom always said to treat women with respect. For me, that was always in my head while I was doing it, so I could never enjoy it. Drugs put a screen between me and what I was doing. It got pretty dark. I think there were times when my security was coming in late at night to check my pulse and see if I was still breathing.”
He also spoke about a dark time in his life when he got “really depressed” on the tour for his 2017 album, Purpose.
“I haven’t talked about this, and I’m still processing so much stuff that I haven’t talked about,” he shared. “I was lonely. I needed some time.”
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Bieber recently gave a gospel performance at Churchome in Beverly Hills and shared the experience on Instagram.
“Sang at church last night,” Bieber wrote. “God is pulling me through a hard season. Having trust in Jesus at your worst times is the absolute hardest. But he is faithful to complete what he started.
“I also want to thank my wife for being such a huge support in my life through this season… It says in the bible count it ALL JOY when you face trials of various kinds.”
—With files from the Canadian Press