Like a lot of young children, Natalie Siou’s daughters have sampled all sorts of extracurricular activities, to varying degrees of success.
While 10-year-old Cadence tended to give activities the ol’ college try, eight-year-old Elora typically knew right away which sports she liked.
“She’s a little bit of a tougher nut to crack,” Siou said, reflecting on Elora’s time in swimming lessons.
“She kept telling the teacher, ‘I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to do what you are showing me.’ I had to pull her aside after a couple days and say, ‘You have to do what your teacher says because he’s teaching you what to do and this is a life skill. You need this.’ So the next time she went she was all excited. She did everything the teacher said!”
Elora didn’t take to soccer either.
“I was that mom shouting, ‘Go get the ball!’ And she was the kid shouting back, ‘I don’t want to!'”
Over the years when the girls have protested a program or activity, Siou encouraged them to finish the season and then choose a different activity next time.
“If it’s a valid argument from them, like, ‘I’m not getting the proper instruction,’ ‘It’s not what I thought it was,’ and they’ve given it a try, then it’s up to them if they want to stop.”
Many Canadian parents face the dilemma during their children’s sports’ seasons. The average Canadian family spends about $1,160 on extracurricular activities. Leaving a sport could mean the parents forgo hundreds of dollars and the child misses out on an opportunity to develop as an athlete and a teammate.
READ MORE: Hockey? Swimming? Here’s how much parents spend on extracurricular activities: Ipsos
Katherine Tamminen, a researcher in young athletes’ experiences in sport, says it’s all about pinpointing the issues.
Look for red flags
Tamminen suggests parents try to identify anything odd or concerning about the behaviour of their child’s coach or teammates.
“I think in having that conversation, it’s important to understand your child. Each parent knows their child best. So if a child is coming home in tears on a regular basis — is really upset, is really not wanting to go to practices and competitions — I’m not sure we have to sort of stick it out at all costs,” she said.
“I think that’s an opportunity to have a conversation and allow children to feel like they are being supported and have some say in their sport participation,” Tamminen said.
“I think there’s a place to have a conversation about commitment and perseverance but I don’t think we need to be exposing our children to really horrible experiences day after day when the reason for their involvement is because we paid for it.”
Give it a trial period
Tamminen says if there are no red flags the child may want to leave for other reasons. In that case, parents can have a chat about timelines before they call it quits.
“Does a decision need to be made this week? Can we wait a month and then reevaluate?” Tamminen said.
“In that time can we talk about what is it that we can focus on that you do enjoy in your sport, or how can you improve your abilities so that you are still learning the skills in your sport. It might be something where you have a trial period to think about stopping but we can look at strategies for coping while still in it. Then in that time, it might also be useful for parents and athletes to discuss what other opportunities are out there. Leaving one sport doesn’t mean leaving all sports.”
READ MORE: Study of B.C. students finds link between playing team sports, better mental health
Explore options
If the parents decide the child has given it their best shot and it’s time to pull the pin, Tamminen advises not to write off the sport forever.
“It could be that maybe this year soccer wasn’t for him. Or this year, skating wasn’t for her or swimming wasn’t the right sport this year,” Tamminen said. “That doesn’t mean we should avoid that sport at all costs from now on.”
She says children develop at different rates and in some cases, they don’t have the physical ability to keep you with peers at a specific age. In those cases, sometimes a year can make a big difference in their athletic development.
“I think it’s really important to look at, what’s our long-term goal here for involving our children in sport. So it’s a great place to develop physical literacy skills: running, jumping, throwing, swimming. There are also a ton of other benefits in terms of social relationships, working with others and seeing improvements on a goal or a task,” Tamminen said.
“There’s so many benefits that can come with sport where if one season a sport doesn’t work out for a child, they can always try it again next year or try something they will enjoy better.”
That approach has worked well for Siou’s daughters. While Cadence didn’t pick up Taekwondo, she’s now committed to soccer and dance. Her little sister may have dropped soccer and dance, but she loves skating.
“Now they’re at the age where they can decide where they want to go and what they want to try out. They know that if they try it out and we sign them up for anything there is a commitment to it.”
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