It’s one of the most intimate moments for moms-to-be — and one that should never be filled with additional stress.
After a story of one mother-in-law’s plea to be part of her grandchild’s delivery went viral, it brings up an important discussion about delivery room etiquette.
In a “Dear Prudie” advice column on Slate, an unnamed mother-in-law was furious she wasn’t invited to witness the birth of her grandchild.
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The MIL, who was also a nurse, said she no longer felt valued and could not bring herself together to speak to her daughter-in-law.
“I’m being treated like a second-class grandmother even though I’ve never been anything but supportive and helpful. How can I get them to see how unfair and cruel their decision is?”
Prudie, on the other hand, had very blunt advice.
Social media users react
After seeing Prudie’s response, and the original question, some social media users were outraged by the grandmother’s behaviour.
Others shared their own experiences of having their MIL in the room.
Setting boundaries
Parenting expert and child psychologist Jillian Roberts of Family Sparks, says this mother-in-law (or anyone else for that matter), shouldn’t feel entitled to attend the delivery.
“The grandmother here is coming from a position of thinking about her wants and needs, and not those of her daughter-in-law,” she tells Global News.
“Giving birth is a time when a woman is at her most vulnerable, and it is imperative that the birth plan be developed with her needs front and foremost. The needs of everyone else are secondary.”
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Roberts adds the situation is an important reminder to establish healthy boundaries and to not be afraid to assert them. “Doing so can create an unhealthy relationship dynamic going forward.”
She adds if you and your partner encounter a similar situation, use the “hamburger strategy” to smooth over the difficult conversation.
Roberts adds if there is pushback, let the person know how much you love them, and remind them this birth plan will make the delivery itself easier for you.
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“After the baby is born and all is OK and when the medical staff say it is okay, that is when any kind of visitation can be navigated with the mother and partner.”
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