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Ellie Goulding shares personal message about her mental health and grandfather’s suicide

Ellie Goulding performs at the celebration of Marriott International's and Universal Music Group's global marketing partnership at the St Pancras Renaissance Hotel on June 30, 2015 in London, England.
Ellie Goulding performs at the celebration of Marriott International's and Universal Music Group's global marketing partnership at the St Pancras Renaissance Hotel on June 30, 2015 in London, England. Chris Jackson/Getty Images for Marriott International & Universal Music Group

Annually, the first full week of October marks Mental Illness Awareness Week across the world, and while she was a couple of days late, English pop musician Ellie Goulding has shared her thoughts in support of the awareness-raising incentive.

On early Monday morning, the Love Me Like You Do singer posted a lengthy message to her fans via Instagram. It was paired with a picture of her swinging from a rope above a stream.

“Sorry this is a little late,” she said, “but I had to speak about Mental Health Awareness, for what it’s worth.”

The 32-year-old was open and honest with her words, revealing that she struggles with mental illness as a result of her career choice — especially because of her extensive touring schedule and what she called “imposter syndrome.”

WATCH: Official music video for Ellie Goulding’s ‘Hate Me’ (Ft. Juice Wrld)

“I know I chose this job,” she wrote, “but nothing could have prepared me for the ups and downs that come with it.”

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She continued: “I know for sure that a lot of my anxiety has come from what they call ‘imposter syndrome’ — not believing in myself enough and thinking that I don’t deserve happiness, which results in wanting to sabotage my own success.”

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While Goulding spoke in detail about her own issues, it seems she used her words with the main intention that they might inspire or cheer up any fans or followers struggling with mental health issues too.

“I admire those who get out of bed every morning and seize the day,” she said, “even when they’re not feeling too great. That requires a lot of courage. Please know that you are doing amazingly and I’m proud of you,” added Goulding.

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Sorry this is a little late, but I had to speak about about Mental Health Awareness, for what it’s worth. We all have a right to feel what we do, whatever it is, whoever we are- Exhilaration, madness, absolutely nothing at all, confusion, chronic sadness… (I can sometimes feel all these things in the space of a few days). I am beyond relieved that more light is being shone on the complexity of going from being a touring artist/ performer to going straight back to normality on a regular basis. The constant change of pace is sometimes just too much to bare. Thank you to those artists who have spoken so candidly about it lately. I know I chose this job but nothing could have prepared me for the ups and downs that come with it. I know for sure that a lot of my anxiety has come from what they call “imposter syndrome” not believing in myself enough and thinking that I don’t deserve happiness, which results in wanting to sabotage my own success. I keep my head straight by training every day (running and boxing mainly) and although it is so hard sometimes to be motivated, the feeling of blood pumping through my veins and a human body performing the way it so impressively does reminds me how cool it is to be alive. Today I’m thinking about my grandfather, who took his own life a few years back. I wish I had spoken to him more, and wish we could have had even the smallest clue of how unhappy he was. I admire those who get out of bed every morning and seize the day, even when they’re not feeling too great. That requires a lot of courage. Please know that you are doing amazingly and I’m proud of you. Ellie xx #mentalhealthawareness

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“We all have a right to feel what we do, whatever it is, whoever we are,” she continued, “(Whether that’s) exhilaration, madness, absolutely nothing at all, confusion (or) chronic sadness,” adding that she “sometimes feels (those) things in the space of a few days.”

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On working a professional music career, Goulding added, “I am beyond relieved that more light is being shone on the complexity of going from being a touring artist/performer to going straight back to normality on a regular basis.”

“The constant change of pace is sometimes just too much to bare (sic),” she admitted. “Thank you to those artists who have spoken so candidly about it lately.”

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Goulding also touched on the death of her grandfather — who according to her, committed suicide a few years prior.

Ellie Goulding attends the World Premiere of ‘Our Planet’ at the Natural History Museum in London, England, on April 4, 2019.
Ellie Goulding attends the World Premiere of ‘Our Planet’ at the Natural History Museum in London, England, on April 4, 2019. Neil Hall / EPA

“Today I’m thinking about my grandfather, who took his own life a few years back,” she wrote. “I wish I had spoken to him more, and wish we could have had even the smallest clue of how unhappy he was.”

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In conclusion, Goulding wrote about how she stays on top of her battle with mental health issues. “I keep my head straight by training every day,” she said, citing running and boxing as examples.

She continued: “Although it’s so hard sometimes to be motivated, the feeling of blood pumping through my veins and a human body performing the way it so impressively does reminds me how cool it is to be alive.”

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As of this writing, Goulding is working on the follow-up to her 2015 album, Delirium. She has released three singles this year, including Hate Me, which features American rapper Juice Wrld.

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It’s currently unclear when fans can expect to hear the new record.

adam.wallis@globalnews.ca