It’s one thing to be direct with your bridal party if you want to make changes, but it’s another thing to do this.
In an email that has now gone viral, former bridesmaid Courtney Duffy said she was asked to “relinquish” her duties by bride (and former friend) Alexandra.
Duffy, who has now switched her Twitter account to private, wrote that she had a hard time juggling her bridesmaid duties with school, Elle reports.
In the email, Alexandra was responding to Duffy after she said she could only fly in on the same day as the wedding.
“I’m sorry classes are taking such a long time to sort out. I know how hard you’re working to be here for the wedding and it means so much to us,” Alexandra wrote. “I have a massive favour to ask you, though — and this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to ask anyone — but I need to ask you to relinquish your duties as a bridesmaid.”
She asked Duffy to still come to the wedding, have a “fabulous time,” and not worry about being a bridesmaid.
“When I asked you, I was really hoping that you could be a part of this whole thing — the bachelorette trip, at least the weekend, prep and the full night of the event (a Sunday night flight means you won’t even be able to be there for the whole wedding) … the whirlwind nature of what your travel has become just won’t work with the duties as a party member. I’m so, so sorry!,” she continued.
At the end of the email, she also asked Duffy to send back her bridesmaid jumpsuit. “I promise we’re totally cool!”
And even if the email was awkward, the bride in question does have the right to switch up her bridal party. However, etiquette expert Julie Blais Comeau, who is based in Ottawa, says it should always be done in person.
“Second best would be videoconferencing or a phone call. Email is never the best mode of communication to ask or inform if you intend to maintain a positive relationship with its recipient. And by the same token, the best way to pass on bridesmaid activities it to express concern in person or by phone,” she tells Global News.
And as the bride or groom, before you ask someone to be a part of your wedding party, make sure they know exactly what they are committing to.
“The bridesmaid-to-be then has the choice to accept or decline. Economic, health, career and family reasons are all acceptable for declining to be a wedding attendant. The future bride can then find a replacement.”
In this instance, Duffy had already bought her airline ticket to the wedding (JetBlue even chimed in offering a free trip for the bridal party, post-wedding), but Blais Comeau says the bride should have at least called.
“There is nothing more important than respecting others and their feelings. So in the end, after candidly speaking and mostly listening to your friend, both should react with their hearts. Love rules. That is what a wedding celebration is all about, love.”
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