Are Your Ready for Some Football?

September means many things to many people.  Summer’s inevitable end, the celebration of labour (workwise or motherwise?), leaves changing colours on deciduous trees, Okotberfest (what do you mean it starts in September?  I’m calling my lawyer!), and the start of a National Football League campaign.

It’s a time for many, to get up Sunday mornings and spend the next 14 hours laying on the couch, watching the planets best football players clobber the crap out of one another.  All the while, consuming approximately 15 thousand calories of potato chips, pizza, pork rinds and beer.

It’s a time for thousands of fantasy football leagues to ramp up.  Team allegiances are turned aside in favour of individual statistics.  There’s nothing like screaming at a $2500 high-definition plasma screen for Edgerrin James to punch in a touchdown late in the fourth quarter with Arizona trailing Seattle by 31 points, so one’s fantasy team can notch those precious six points.

It’s time of football pools, large or small.  Making that one crucial pick, knowing that taking the correct winner in a Week 15 match up between 3-11 Detroit and 2-12 Atlanta could be the difference between big bucks, or big bupkis.

It’s time for hitting the miracle Sports Select ticket.  A two-dollar, six-team parlay that’s hinging on four ties along with Kansas City winning on the road against the New England Patriots for $23,000.

It’s a time to listen to hundreds of hours of useless analysis.  NFL experts telling fans, “for my money, Tom Brady’s one of the top players in the league,” or “trailing by two with 3 seconds left in regulation, Indianapolis kicker Adam Vinatieri really needs to come up clutch for the Colts.”

It’s a time for cheerleaders.  Really, nothing more needs to be said.

It’s a time for making a road trip.  Going with a bunch of friends to Buffalo, to cheer on the beloved Bills.  Learning, that September is a much better time to go to Northeast New York than December, and no matter when the game is, tailgating is still a ton of fun.

It’s a time for John Madden’s love affair with Brett Favre to continue.  Other than Bob Cole’s man-crush for Mats Sundin, there’s nothing creepier than listening to a 400 pound ex-coach wax poetically about another grown man.

It’s a time for fans of perennial powerhouses, like New England,  Indianapolis, and Seattle to get ready for another big season.  Conversely, it’s a time for Detroit, Arizona, and Cincinnati supporters to kid themselves that it’s finally the Lions, Cardinals or Bengals year.

And finally, it’s a time for praying that your favourite team’s star player doesn’t go down with a season-ending acl, mcl and pcl tear, gets busted with 5 of his teammates on a ‘sex-cruise,’ or is caught masterminding a dog-fighting ring.