Canadian philanthropist opens up about surviving darkest period, finding purpose – Part 3 of 3

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Tom Budd, a wealthy Canadian investment banker, philanthropist and self-described family man, lost both his teenage sons to suicide two years apart.

The tragedies sent him spiralling down a dark well, and it’s taken almost two years of daily work to begin to heal.

“You’re nothing. You’re just a big hole through your chest, and it’s painful. I’d spent hours crying and weeping,” Budd said. “One day, I will just say (it was) like a spiritual awakening. It came that I’m not supposed to die and I’m supposed to have a purpose, and that was to let people know that life’s worth living.”

The grieving father attended trauma clinics and sought out spiritual leaders, looking for a way to overcome the heartache and find a new normal.

“I started reading more books on people getting through tragedy, people that have gotten through Nazi war camps. How did they keep going?” Budd said. “There was that common thread of having a purpose, having hope. I haven’t survived the loss of my two sons that I miss every day but I am surviving. It’s a daily process for me.”

In the last year, Budd has started reaching out to the public, speaking openly about mental health and suicide prevention.

He said many have approached him to say that his openness and honesty has saved their lives.

“That feels really good, but there’s also a responsibility that goes with that. I don’t want to be that responsible,” Budd said. “I don’t want to have that kind of impact all the time.”

Budd added he wants to help people that want to help themselves.

“My goal is to make myself available, to make myself open. On any given day, can I say: ‘Did I give more back than I took?’ And I have been for the last couple of years,” Budd said. “Not financially, which I’ve done for a long time, but I’m talking my time and my emotions. I put myself at risk when I do that, but it does give me meaning.”

The Canadian Mental Health Association estimates that suicide accounts for 24 per cent of all deaths among 15- to 24-year-olds.

Budd believes that number is higher.

“I can tell you just from the number of people that send me emails from Facebook or Instagram or whatever, there’s a lot of people that suffer,” Budd said. “When they talk about one in 10 having attempted suicide, that’s the ones that have reported it. People don’t want you to know that their kids or they themselves have attempted suicide so the numbers are down.”

The mental health advocate believes there are more resources than ever but that it’s still not enough.

“There’s more resources now then there was. For instance, locally, here we have the Foundry. CMHA does a good job; doctors are more aware,” Budd said. “There’s groups that you can go to, but at the end of the day, my opinion is — besides the professional areas — we are responsible for our own health.”

Budd lists some strategies to help cope with depression.

“Learning to be open and honest, having a network of friends, asking for help, doing things that can pull yourself out of a rut like going for a walk, getting to nature, doing some exercise, eating properly, sleeping properly,” Budd said. “I have to do them. I need to meditate, I need to journal. I need to talk. I cry when I want to cry.”

Budd also has some advice for those dealing with mental health issues.

“If I can survive what I did, I am thinking that most people can get through what they’re getting through, if they just have hope and they have faith and they have friends and they’re willing to share their feelings with their friends,” Budd said. “They have to talk about what they’re really thinking about and what they’re really feeling, and that’s the first step.”

And for those who don’t have a social network and feel isolated, Budd says to call a suicide hotline or the Foundry.

“There’s people there that are willing to help, and they’ll let you know that you matter,” Budd said.

Where to get help
If you or someone you know is in crisis and needs help, resources are available. In case of an emergency, please call 911 for immediate help. The Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention, Depression Hurts and Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868 all offer ways of getting help if you, or someone you know, may be suffering from mental health issues.