HALIFAX – From “no kids” vacation resorts to “no kids allowed” after certain hours at restaurants, the concept of being childfree has evolved into a lifestyle. Now, there’s a new group in Halifax looking to connect people who have deliberately chosen to live childfree.
We’re Not Kidding! Halifax launched as a way to connect couples who have made a decision not to have children. It’s modeled after similar groups in Toronto, Vancouver and throughout the United States, and it’s meant to be an outlet for couples who, some say, can be misunderstood.
“There’s a built-in assumption sometimes in society that being a parent and being a couple that has kids is just part of that natural evolution,” said Gerard Murphy, who founded Halifax’s chapter of the group.
“So when you’re in a society that doesn’t always think the same as you – in terms of not feeling like you need to have kids to be fulfilled – that can be tricky.”
After years of marriage, Murphy said he and his wife often find themselves explaining their decision to not have children, and sometimes even have to defend themselves.
“Sometimes in the workplace or in new colleagues I meet, there’s this judgement that there’s this selfishness around choosing not to have kids,” he said.
Murphy said it can also be difficult to find friends who can relate to not having children, or who have similar social calendars and interests, which is why he hopes the group will be able to connect like-minded couples through events and mixers.
“It really isn’t an advocacy group or there’s no political driver behind it. It’s really just a time and space for people who are childfree by choice to connect socially.”
Stephen and Cheryl Young were quick to jump on board. The Halifax couple has been married for nearly 20 years, own their own business and have busy schedules. Yet, they say the social expectation to have children is always present, especially for Cheryl.
“There is still a real traditional aspect to being married and the expectation that’s placed upon you as the wife. It’s wife, then soon-to-be-mother,” Cheryl said.
“I don’t buy into that,” she added.
The couple points out they don’t dislike children, which can be a common misconception about childfree couples. They also stress they don’t feel anything is lacking in their lives.
“Different strokes for different folks, right?” said Stephen. “What makes some people happy isn’t what makes other people happy.”
The number of households without children is on the rise, according to Statistics Canada. In 2001, 30.5 per cent of Canadian households had children, compared to 28 per cent without children. By 2006, the number of households without children had surpassed those with kids. By 2011, that gap had widened: only 26.5 per cent of households consisted of couples with children, while 29.5 per cent of households did not.
The statistics do not specify whether the couples chose not to have children.
Dalhousie University sociology professor Fiona Martin said she expects the number of people choosing to delay or skip having children to grow. She believes the rising cost of living, cost of education and heavy debt loads are contributing to people choosing to delay marriage and having children.
“We tend to assume there is only one kind of family out there and the reality is, there is an extreme diversity out there,” Martin said. “But we still hold on to this cultural picture of what a family is and therefore, what a normal life course is.”
Meanwhile, We’re Not Kidding! Halifax is busy planning for a spring launch event.
“We’d like to meet other people who have the same kind of life,” said Cheryl. “I’m sure they will all be very different and that will be the interesting part too: just to see who’s out there.”
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