Engaged too quickly? What it takes for relationships to last
In the last few months, we’ve seen celebrity engagement after engagement, which some experts say may be too soon.
But in reality, this happens a lot. Sometimes, the timing is just right or in cases of arranged marriages, for example, some are engaged shortly after they are introduced to one another.
In July, singer Justin Bieber got engaged to model Hailey Baldwin after dating for a short period of time, and within the summer we also saw actress Priyanka Chopra and singer Nick Jonas, and singer Ariana Grande and comedian Pete Davidson do the same thing.
“Some quick engagements work out, others don’t. Sometimes factors like validating the relationship, pressure from one partner, pressure from family/friends, general societal pressure, or desire to shake things up play into the desire to get engaged after a short period of time, which may or may not complicate the process,” said Claire AH, a Toronto-based matchmaker.
“When you don’t know your partner very well, a swift engagement isn’t the best choice, but sometimes, circumstances are such that getting to know each other happens quicker than average.”
When to get engaged
And while there is no timeline to suggest when someone should and shouldn’t get engaged, she adds there are a few things couples should consider before making the commitment. Engagements don’t have to be short or long, but an understanding of what both of your needs are in the long-run.
“You have discussed your values and they largely align around things like family, kids, spirituality, sexuality, and money,” she adds. “You’ve worked out a way of communicating effectively and don’t have any huge recurring problems.”
If you can genuinely see yourself with this person long-term and don’t feel overly swept up in the attention and excitement of planning a wedding, she adds, this could mean you’re in the right direction.
“It’s more internally motivated rather than externally motivated.”
How to know if you are rushing
“If you feel concerned or uneasy whenever you think about engagement, it’s probably too soon,” Claire explained.
If your relationship makes you feel trapped or if you feel like your life will heavily change because you are engaged or married, it’s probably best to think things over. And remember, engagements don’t fix already broken relationships.
“If you have a tendency to rush into things in a way that you regret, this might be one of those times,” she continued. “There are other things to consider like age, financial status, opinions of family and friends, but those things vary greatly and don’t always indicate that an engagement won’t work out.
It’s also important to note that sometimes, engagements don’t end up in successful marriages and not all marriages last — which is OK.
“This is all about minimizing stress and pain when possible.”
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