Infidelity can have a variety of effects on a person, ranging from physical to emotional and mental, but one study has discovered that these effects aren’t always negative.
A study published in the Oxford Handbook of Women and Competition surveyed 5,705 people from 96 countries and found that women benefit from being cheated on because it helps them make better choices in future mates and they grow from the experience.
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“The woman who ‘loses’ her mate to another woman will go through a period of post-relationship grief and betrayal, but come out of the experience with higher mating intelligence that allows her to better detect cues in future mates that may indicate low mate value,” study co-author and assistant program co-ordinator at Binghamton University Craig Morris wrote. “Hence, in the long-term, she ‘wins.'”
Apparently, anywhere from six months to a year after discovering the infidelity, women emerge with higher emotional intelligence and greater self-confidence.
“They are more attuned to cues of infidelity in a future mate, more aware of how other women interact with their mate, have more self-confidence and more self-awareness, and independence in general,” Morris said.
While this may sound like ground-breaking (and counterintuitive) information, it actually makes perfect sense, says relationship psychologist Dr. Natasha Sharma.
“When you think of it from a psychological standpoint, any person who crosses your personal boundaries will cause you to exercise mental, emotional and psychological intelligence in order to respond and adjust,” she tells Global News. “It doesn’t matter if it’s someone who cheated on you or someone who robbed you, you’re going to need to psychologically adjust to things not working out how you had hoped.”
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Much like the adage, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” a woman who goes through an experience of infidelity and comes out the other side of it emotionally intact will be better for it.
However, Sharma warns, you don’t want the experience turning you into a bitter cynic. Nor should you use it as a platform for questioning your ability to choose a respectful mate.
“It is possible to be cheated on by someone who is a good partner but had a slip-up. I’m not sure it qualifies as poor emotional intelligence that you picked a mate who, in a moment of weakness, had a one-night stand.”
In her opinion, women who emerge from a situation of infidelity unscathed demonstrate remarkable resilience and strength. And it doesn’t just apply to women.
“The same holds true for a man who’s been cheated on and survives the betrayal,” she says. “Whether the end result is repairing the relationship or breaking up, what comes out of it is the ability to exercise resilience and to learn to adjust.”
It’s rare that a couple looks at infidelity as a blessing in disguise, but Sharma says that’s exactly what it is for some people. Especially if their relationship is plagued with issues that neither member of the couple is willing to address.
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“In some cases, infidelity can open a dialogue to talk about the elephant in the room and address things they’ve ignored for a long time. It can act as a precursor to address those issues — and they’ll come out better for it, regardless of whether they stay together or break up.”
At the end of it all, however, she urges people — male and female alike — to give themselves more credit for their inherent ability to weather any kind of storm.
“In general, humans underestimate their own resilience. We can deal with a lot more than we think we can.”
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