It’s a dilemma many parents face: how to talk to your kids about acts of violence.
Many are left wondering what to tell their children after events like Sunday’s mass shooting on the Las Vegas Strip.
Coverage of the Las Vegas shooting on Globalnews.ca:
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“As much as I think it would be great for my children to know what’s happening in the world it becomes so horrific… and then you have to comprehend, oh, how do I explain this to my child?” said Elaine Ho, a Victoria mother of two kids aged six and nine years old.
The answer often depends on your child’s age, according to University of Victoria (UVic) psychology professor Cathy Costigan.
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For younger children, aged seven and under, Costigan suggests emphasizing safety and security rather than going into what’s happened and why.
“In your responses, you can certainly acknowledge what’s happened and that it’s scary,” she said.
“And that people feel sad when these things happen but that there’s really trustworthy people in charge and that people are working very hard to make sure that everybody is safe.”
For older children, including pre-teens and teenagers, Costigan suggests being more proactive; and asking your kids how much they know and how it’s impacting them.
“Adults as well but kids can have such a feeling of helplessness when these things happen and so it can be useful as a parent to direct some of the conversation towards… something they can do that would help them feel more in control or helpful,” Costigan said.
“Maybe they can write get well cards to folks in the hospital or thank you cards to first responders… just think of ways they can do something positive or proactive in the world.”
READ MORE: B.C. residents, returning home from Las Vegas, describe terror and panic amid shooting
The worst mass shooting in recent U.S. history came within 24 hours of vehicle and stabbing attacks in Edmonton.
Costigan said when the horror is unfolding closer to home, a child’s distress is likely to be higher and they’re probably going to need more time to process the events.
“I would try, through some opened-ended questions, to hear what their concerns were and that is valuable in and of itself of letting children share with you their thoughts, without jumping in to solve a problem too quickly, without interrupting them, without minimizing it like ‘oh that would never happen here,'” she said.
“To really sit with them and give them your full attention and hear what they’re concerned about,” Costigan said.
Alan Barwin, a grade eight teacher at Victoria’s Central Middle School, said social media can densensitize young people to images and videos of traumatic events.
“None of my students mentioned it today, about Edmonton or Las Vegas,” he said.
“I think it’s becoming part of this noise that’s all around them and it doesn’t affect them as much as it might have for us growing up.”
The bottom line, experts say, is not to shy away from the conversation; something even Ho, who works hard to minimize her kids’ exposure to horrific events around the world, agrees with.
“We don’t have to go through all the gory details but we do have to give them an understanding of what’s happening,” Ho said.
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