Fredericton support group helps widows ‘soar above’ grief

A support group for widows is helping people in Fredericton cope with grief.

“Soaring Spirits- LIVING Widowed” is social community for widowed people to come together and share their experiences, find casual conversation, friendship, understanding, and fun.

Founder of the Fredericton chapter Stacey Brown says the group meets twice a month in various places throughout Fredericton, often going for dinners together.

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“It’s a sense of community. We certainly have the hard discussions,” Brown said.

“We do have serious conversations about all of the difficulties of being widowed and the challenges of living without the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with, but we also have a lot of laughs and we are able to share some of those experience with humour and try and find the normality of it.”

Brown tells Global News her husband Andre passed away five years ago due to a life-long heart condition. She says she looked online for support groups in the Fredericton area that weren’t faith-based, but didn’t find any informal groups within New Brunswick.

“I wanted to talk to other people who were sharing my experience,” said Brown. “I knew that there were people out there who had been widowed at 35, I just didn’t know any.”

Tweet This Click to share quote on Twitter: "I wanted to talk to other people who were sharing my experience," said Brown. "I knew that there were people out there who had been widowed at 35, I just didn't know any."

After a more thorough online search, Brown says she found an online support group that led her to attend a camp in Myrtle Beach, S.C. called Camp Widow.

“I was thinking what everybody’s thinking, ‘groups of people sitting around passing the Kleenex and crying’ — and I came back a completely different person,” Brown said.

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Brown says the camp was wonderful, and she’s attended six sessions since her husband passed. But it was difficult coming home to silence after spending time in a room with a hundred people who had been through the same thing she had.

The longing for that sense of community in Fredericton was what led her to launch the regional group for Soaring Spirits International.

“One of the best things I did in being widowed is connect with other people. That sense of community and being able to reach out and say, ‘I have no idea what I’m going to do with his shoes.’ Just to have somebody else who understands why you might find it difficult to get rid of his stinky old shoes,” Brown said.

Group member Shirley Murphy says the group has been an amazing source of support since her husband Wayne Nightengale passed away from cancer three years ago.

“It’s just the comfort of knowing that they get it,” Murphy said.

Group member Shelley Miller is the newest person to join the group. She tells Global News her doctor referred her to Brown’s group six months after her husband Dan died in March of 2015.

“I think after losing Dan and just having that feeling, that overwhelming sense of loss, it’s very, very important to reach out, even when you’re at your darkest days, it’s very important to reach out to someone who gets it,” Miller said.

Miller says she is grateful to have her friends and family, but tells Global News it’s having people who truly understand what she’s been through that has helped comfort her. She says the group makes her laugh, which is a huge relief.

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“Our 20th anniversary is next week, so that’s something that I’m dealing with. It would have been our 20th, I should say. It’s raw; feelings come back, memories come back, but I honour the love more than the loss,” Miller says.

To others who might be dealing with an even more recent loss, Miller says hearing the stories of others like Brown give her hope that as time goes on she’ll be able to laugh even more.

“It’s going to be okay. It is going to be okay,” Miller said.

Brown says she’d like to see a another chapter pop up in Saint John or Moncton in the future to provide support to widows living in those communities. Brown says the group is inclusive and anyone can join.

More information is available at the ‘Soaring Spirits- LIVING widows’ Facebook page.