By the time we actually are parents, many of us have spent a great deal of time contemplating the type of parent we will be and the kind of child(ren) we will have.
Our future-children will greet strangers with a handshake and a “How do you do?” They will do well in school and have many friends. Our children will behave themselves properly in the grocery store and will not get addicted to technology. In the case where our children do misbehave, we will respectfully discipline them and they will immediately do as asked.
If your first idea of parenthood was anything like the above, then we would like to say, “Sorry about that.” The reality of being a parent is often quite distant from the initial expectations which we set for ourselves. So too, perhaps are the ideas of parental success.
In our work with thousands of parents over the last 12 years, we have met parents who would feel successful if they could “Make it through the morning without blowing my top!” or “Get John and Jenny into the car with everything they need for school and make it there before the bell.”
Other parents are still holding out for the idealistic view of parenting and are trashing themselves regularly because they just can’t get there.
At Parenting Power, we know that kids make mistakes in order to learn and that parents do too. We’re all human, after all. We encourage parents to Parent with a Plan™ so that they feel confident in their skills and can stay calm in the heat of the moment (or moments as there are often quite a few.)
The first step to Parenting with a Plan is Awareness – knowing where you are now and where you want to be; what’s working and what needs to change. Often, parents are so caught up in the everyday business of driving, coaching, cooking, cleaning, etc., that they haven’t stopped to contemplate whether any of it is actually working.
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So here are a few things to ask yourself when you make the time for awareness:
1. What is working for our family? What makes it work so well?
2. What is just not working? Are there things I wish could be different? Am I trapped in the same hassles day after day?
3. What values do we want our kids to learn?
4. What kind of people do we want our kids to be when they leave home?
When we have the answers to these questions, we will know how we define success for our family and also have an idea of where to start on that journey; making plans to teach the values by living them and to foster the qualities we want for future adults by modelling them daily. For many people, the day to day moments with their kids, learning from mistakes and teaching new strategies will define success. Life is in the journey – perhaps success lies there as well.
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