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To be a woman in Canada means living with risk — to live knowing that, on average, a woman is killed every other day, that once a week a woman is murdered by her partner and that one in three women will experience some form of sexual violence over the course of their lives.
As familiar as violence is for many women, it can still be hard to identify or understand when a relationship or interaction is abusive, says Amina Doreh, public education co-ordinator at the Sexual Assault Support Centre in Ottawa, especially “if you come from a cycle of abuse or a household where this was normalized.”
And yet, no matter how difficult it is to push past that condition, Doreh doesn’t want shame to keep women from reaching out when they need help.
“You’re worthy of seeking help… you’re not a burden to people.”
How to recognize if you’re in an abusive situation
The first major step to getting help, no matter the scenario, is identifying that you’ve been the victim of abuse or harassment.
Once you are aware, you can make a safety plan.
There’s often hesitancy to connect with a support network, as survivors are made to feel isolated by an abuser, Doreh says, so making that connection with someone is the best way to end violence at home.
Ultimately, she says, “Trust your instincts.”
Doreh and other experts who spend every day helping women leave violent situations share their best advice and resources for finding a way to leave safely.
Get help:
Assaulted Women’s Helpline
Toll-free: 1-866-863-0511
Toll-free TTY: 1-866-863-7868
What do I do if I’m experiencing violence at home? What if there are kids involved?
Women are the primary victims of family violence, as 67 per cent of those harmed by abuse at home are women, according to 2016 data from Statistics Canada. They are also four times more likely to be killed by a partner than men.
However, a true snapshot of familial violence across Canada is hard to provide, as it’s chronically under-reported — only one in five people report spousal abuse to the police, according to 2014 figures. And while women’s experiences may be unique, there are commonalities, too: they feel trapped, cut off from help and ashamed to tell family and friends what’s happening. They don’t always feel comfortable trusting police.
Pushpa Rama, a crisis counsellor at the Assaulted Women’s Helpline in Toronto, helps women create a safety plan to leave their abusers that’s tailored to their specific circumstances.
She says it’s important to gather information first by connecting with support hotlines, shelters and legal aid to create an action plan to safely leave in conjunction with trusted family and friends, Rama says.
If you’re trying to leave with kids — as nearly half of women admitted to shelters for domestic violence reasons are — Rama says it’s really important to talk to them. Women will often try to hide abuse from their kids, Rama says, but they shouldn’t, as children are perceptive and will know something is wrong.
“Tell them it’s not their fault, and that it’s not (your) fault,” she says.
You should tell your kids who to contact if they need help and how to get to a safe place, even within their own house, Rama says. She suggests creating a code word with your children so they know right away if they need to call the police.
Get help:
- Shelter Safe: Network of women’s shelters across Canada
- Canadian Family Law Lawyers Network
Phone: 1-888-660-4869
What if my partner has control of my finances or my technology?
Financial abuse is a common tactic used to discourage women from leaving their abusers. It includes things like controlling how money is spent, withholding funds, not allowing a partner to work and even outright stealing a partner’s money.
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Creating forced dependence on the partner may make it seem like you are trapped, Rama says, but you can still make a plan for escape: put money aside secretly with your social insurance cards, passports and any other important documents and keep them hidden somewhere near your exit.
“Sometimes, we encourage (women) to put money in sanitary pads.”
If you can’t secretly save money and you don’t have a network of family and friends to support you, there are hotlines and shelters that can provide you with legal help and other aid so you can rebuild your finances.
If you’re worried your partner is tracking you with in-home security cameras, internet or phone monitoring, a car GPS, password controls or even the thermometer, Rama says there are options. She recommends erasing your browsing history, deleting texts and even creating social media profiles that don’t use your real name so you can get help without alerting your abuser.
Get help:
Legal Aid Domestic Abuse Hotline
Phone: 1-800-668-8258
Getting help as a woman of colour
For women of colour, dealing with racism entwined with sexism can make accessing certain resources more difficult, says Andrea Gunraj, vice-president of public engagement at the Canadian Women’s Foundation.
“(Women) speak to wanting the abuse to stop but not wanting their partners to face discrimination from authorities,” she says.
For many women of colour, Guraj says connection to community is important, especially for those who are new to Canada and rely on those connections to navigate life here. Leaving a partner, even one who is abusive, could mean losing that network.
“(These) communities are really small and close-knit. Everybody will know everybody,” Gunraj says. “If you leave, it’s like you can’t do it anonymously.”
That risk of further isolation is compounded by the fact that mainstream services don’t always provide help in different languages or in a manner that is culturally appropriate, Gunraj says.
Get help:
- Women’s Multicultural Resource and Counselling Centre of Durham
Phone: 1-877-454-4035 - Barbra Schlifer Commemorative Clinic
Phone: 416-323-9149 ext. 234
Email: info@schliferclinic.com
Violence against transgender and non-binary people
Transgender people are almost twice as likely as cisgender women to experience domestic violence, according to the Public Health Agency of Canada.
One-fifth of trans people in Ontario have reported being physically or sexually assaulted because of their identity, while another 34 per cent report having been harassed, according to 2010 data from Trans PULSE, a community research initiative. But national data still fails to fully capture the reality of violence against trans and non-binary people — a gap that’s been highly criticized by community groups and academics.
Despite that vacuum, trans people continue to document the ways in which they are rejected by the shelter system, separated by gender and classified based on how staff perceive them. That problem is particularly concerning given more than one-quarter of trans youth report running away from home and more than half say they can’t afford housing — meaning shelter space is desperately needed.
Get help:
- LGBT Youth Line
Phone: 1-800-268-9688 - Battered Women’s Support Services
Phone: 1-855-687-1868
What if someone is harassing me at work?
Workplace harassment in Canada includes any inappropriate behaviour that demeans, belittles or threatens a person in a workspace. That means everything from unwelcome sexual advances to humiliating someone in a workplace setting. If you’re not sure you’re being harassed, Doreh says the best way to determine is to ask how the behaviour is making you feel.
“Women are socialized to ‘take it’ or continue to work or move on despite some of the alarm bells or red flags that they are feeling internally.”
Connect with someone you trust, who you believe can support you if you decide to bring the issue to your human resources department or any other department that’s tasked with dealing with harassment.
Knowing who in the workplace bears direct responsibility for making decisions on harassment matters is key, Doreh says, but it’s equally as important to find people you trust outside of work — whether they are friends, family, a therapist or a helpline — who can support you emotionally. That process often isn’t easy.
“It can feel very isolating,” Doreh says. “After you leave work, these things still affect you.”
Get help:
Assaulted Women’s Helpline
Toll-free: 1-866-863-0511
Toll-free TTY: 1-866-863-7868
Resources by province
British Columbia
- VictimLink BC (24-7 helpline)
Phone: 1-800-563-0808
Text: 604-836-6381
Email: VictimLinkBC@bc211.ca - Battered Women’s Support Services
Crisis line: 604-687-1867
Toll-free: 1-855-687-1868 - Surrey Women’s Centre
Phone: 604-583-1295 - B.C. Society of Transition Houses
Alberta
- Family Violence Info Line (toll-free, 24-7, multilingual)
Phone: 780-310-1818 - Alberta Council of Women’s Shelters
Phone: 1-866-331-3933 - Camrose Women’s Shelter Society
Phone: 780-672-1035 (main line)
Toll-free crisis line: 1-877-672-1010 - Sucker Creek Women’s Emergency Shelter
Phone: 780-523-2929
Crisis line: 780-523-4357
Toll-free: 1-866-523-2929
Saskatchewan
- 24-hour Crisis and Abuse Line
Phone: 1-800-214-7083 - Abused Women’s Crisis Line
Phone: 1-888-338-0880 - North East Crisis Line
Phone: 1-800-611-6349 or 1-800-668-6868 - Prince Albert Domestic Violence Crisis Intervention
Crisis line: 306-764-1011 - Provincial Association of Transition Houses and Services of Saskatchewan
Manitoba
- Provincewide Family Violence Helpline (toll-free, 24-7)
Phone: 1-877-977-0007
TTY: 1-888-987-2829 - Klinic Crisis Line
Crisis line: 204-786-8686
Toll-free: 1-888-322-3019
TTY: 204-784-4097 - Manitoba Association of Women’s Shelters
Ontario
- Assaulted Women’s Helpline
Toll-free: 1-866-863-0511
Toll-free TTY: 1-866-863-7868 - The Ontario Network of Sexual Assault/Domestic Violence Care and Treatment Centres
Phone: 416-323-7327 - Legal Aid Ontario Domestic Abuse Hotline
Phone: 1-800-668-8258 - Fem’aide (provincial helpline for francophone women in Ontario dealing with violence)
Telephone: 1-877-336-2433
TTY: 1-866-860-7082 - Talk for Healing (available to Indigenous women living throughout Northern Ontario)
Phone: 1-855-554-4325 - Ontario Victim Services
Victim support line: 1-888-579-2888 or 416-314-2447 in Toronto area - Shelter Safe (network of women’s shelters across Canada)
Quebec
- Domestic Violence Hotline
Phone: 514-873-9010
Toll-free: 1-800-363-9010 - Fédération des maisons d’hébergement pour femmes
- Quebec Victims Services
Phone: 1-888-933-9007 or 514-933-9007 in Montreal region
Nova Scotia
- General helpline run by Feed Nova Scotia
Toll-free: 1-877-521-1188
TTY: 1-855-443-2660 - Transition House Association of Nova Scotia
- Nova Scotia Domestic Violence Resource Centre
- Transition House Association of Nova Scotia
New Brunswick
- Fredericton Sexual Assault Crisis Centre
Phone: 1-506-454-0437
Email: fsacc@nb.aibn.com - New Brunswick Victim’s Services
- Crossroads for Women Inc., Moncton
Phone: 506-857-8028 - Domestic Violence Outreach, Saint John
Phone: 506-632-5616 or 506-649-2580
Newfoundland
- Hope Haven Transition House Crisis Line
Crisis line: 709-944-6900
Toll-free: 1-888-332-0000
Prince Edward Island
- P.E.I. Family Violence Prevention Services
Phone: 1-800-240-9894 - Prince Edward Island Victim Support Services
Queens and Kings County: 902-368‑4582
Prince County: 902-888‑8218
Yukon
- Kaushee’s Place/Yukon Women’s Transition Home
Crisis line: 867-668-5733 (collect calls accepted from outside Whitehorse)
Phone: 867-633-7720 - Yukon Victim Services
Phone: 867-667-8550
After-hours support VictimLink: 1-800-563-0808
Northwest Territories
- NWT Help Line
Phone: 1-800-661-0844 - Yellowknife Victim Services
24-hour crisis line: 867-765-8811
Nunavut
- Nunavut Kamatsiaqtut Helpline (open nightly, 7-12 p.m. ET)
Toll-free: 867-979-3333 - Cambridge Bay, St. Michael’s Crisis Shelter
Phone: 867-983-5232 - Qimavvik Shelter, Iqaluit
Phone: 867-979-4500 - Kugaaruk Family Violence Centre
Phone: 867-769-6100
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