Nice work if you can get it

For almost all of us, there are moments in life when we reconsider our career choices.

Perhaps I would have been happier as a dentist, or if I  had only applied myself at art college, I could have been an international star.

After the release of Ontario Auditor General Bonnie Lysyk’s annual report, many people will wish they paid more attention to a career in power generation.

Specifically a career at Ontario Power Generation, the behemoth Crown Corporation that hands out fat salaries and generous perks like a drunken Santa Claus looking to lighten his sack.

The Auditor found that even though staff levels at OPG dropped 8.5 per cent, the number of executives jumped 58 per cent. And most of those VPs and presidents were richly rewarded with bonuses that skewed higher the further up the food chain they went.

The examples of benefits for relocating for work are enough to put a Geiger counter into the red.

Need to sell your house to relocate? Have your home appraised and OPG will guarantee you get that much money. There is little evidence the corporation ever questioned the appraisal values, and between 2006 to spring of 2013, OPG lost $2 million on these guarantees.

Hey guess what? My cousin Wilbur is a home appraiser and he says my one bedroom shack is worth $500,000. I was only offered $350,00, so fork over the green, OPG.

One case shows an employee selling their home for $354,000 and receiving more than his selling price in expenses, namely $392,000. Someone call Donald Trump, because my friends, that is the way to make real money on real estate.

Beyond the perks are the salaries and pensions. The report shows OPG employer-employee contribution is 4:1 or 5:1. In the greater public sector it’s 1:1. In the private sector, you’re lucky to get a cheap watch when you retire.

All of this largesse ends up smack dab on your power bill, poor sucker.

The best you can hope for is to marry or be born into OPG wealth. The report found hundreds of examples of family members working for the corporation, and in several instances those relatives didn’t even have to endure the stress of an interview.

Nice work if you can get it. If only I had paid more attention in science class instead of dreaming of winning a Pulitzer Prize.

I’d be richer, looking foward to a generous pension, and certainly less curmudgeonly.

Only catch, dear sucker, is you’d have to pay for it. For thousands of OPG employees, you already do.

Follow Alan on Twitter at @acarterglobal