Christmas is a happy and joyous time for many to spend time with family and friends, but for thousands of British Columbians who’ve lost a loved one, it can be anything but bright.
And one B.C. charity that specializes in grief counselling and support services for families dealing with traumatic loss says the need is greater than ever — particularly around the holidays.
Emily Patterson of North Vancouver knows the strain all too well, after losing her husband Jeff, 41, to liver failure in January 2022.
“It was hard. (My daughter) Audrey was still only seven, so Jeff and I had agreed we didn’t want to worry her about how it could be his last — but I knew in my heart there was a good chance it was going to be his last one, so we just tried to make it extra special, got as many pictures and video as we could,” she told Global News.
“So this time of year, just being so close to his death anniversary is very hard.”
Emily said she and Audrey were seeing individual counsellors, but hadn’t realized they could benefit from specialized grief support until a friend recommended the Lumara Greif and Bereavement Care Society.
Since connecting with the charity, she said she’s made close connections with other widows going through the same thing — something that’s helped her process grief, particularly at the holiays.
“It’s sad, but it is a nice time to honour and remember as well. It makes it better to have others with us who are going through the same thing,” she said.
“The main item my friends and I keep coming back to, it’s the kids. They instantly bond, they just love being around the other kids because they get it, They don’t have to explain to anyone.”
Heather Mohan, executive director and co-founder of Lumara said she’s seen an uptick in demand for grief services as B.C. grapples with both the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic and the toxic drug crisis. The discovery of suspected unmarked graves at residential schools has also surfaced powerful grief in Indigenous communities, she said.
She said the feelings can be particularly acute during the holiday season, and that grief can be particularly damaging for youth who don’t have support.
“We live in a society that is really uncomfortable with this topic, with death, and with grief, so it’s not something we have a handle on coping with very well. In schools it’s not talked about,” she said.
“Many families, it’s sort of off-limits, a taboo topic. All of that kind of leads it to be a very isolated kind of experience then, for people who are in the middle of grief.”
Mohan said there have been improvements in funding for mental health services, but not for grief-specific counselling and group therapies that can be vital in helping families move forward.
Her group, which takes clients regardless of ability to pay, relies heavily on donations — and can have waitlists of up to a year for services.
“What we need is more kind of national conversation around a bereavement strategy with dedicated funding specifically for people who are grieving the death of someone, and in my opinion, particularly for young people. They are some of the most vulnerable people and they are often sort of invisible,” she said.
For Emily, the support has been invaluable, and she said other families in her position should not hesitate to seek help — particularly at this time of year.
“I hope it helps even one person going through a similar situation to know there is hope out there and they’re not alone,” she said.
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