‘Why would you not say what you mean?’ helping kids decode sarcasm

When Lorraine Reggin heads to the park with her two boys: Sacha, 10, and Maks, 8, she hears something that makes her smile; sarcasm.

“I notice it all the time with parents at the playground,” laughed Reggin. “Like, ‘your coat is not going to put on itself.'”

Reggin, a PhD student in the language processing lab at the University of Calgary’s ChILD Research Group, has a love for language and over the years she was fascinated to hear how her boys learned the nuances of sarcasm.

Her aha moment was when she took Maks to an empty skate park. He looked at her and said, “Wow, it’s super busy here!”

“It just took me so much by surprise that that was the way he chose to convey this,” said Reggin.

“Maks is super sarcastic and he seemed like he picked it up really early.”

Tweet This Click to share quote on Twitter: "Maks is super sarcastic and he seemed like he picked it up really early."

Sacha, on the other hand, has always been “quite literal.”

After Reggin and her younger son had no luck putting a toy together they handed it over to big brother Sacha. He figured it out in seconds.

“I turned to Maks, ‘Where was he the whole time?’ Sacha just responds, ‘I was right here.’”

The sarcasm went right over their heads.

Now the family often talks about sarcasm and what’s appropriate. There is a time and a place and sometimes the words miss the mark.

“Sometimes they get the humour more than others. Just like us, sometimes the sarcastic comment just hits us right in the heart and it’s too much that day.”

The family helped pilot a colouring book, written by U of C psychology professor Penny Pexman.

“Sydney Gets Sarcastic” is free to download and is now available in 14 different languages.

The book resulted from a research project with children examining what they need to better grasp sarcasm. It includes short stories with common sarcastic phrases and explains why someone might use them.

“They do it because they’re trying to be funny and maybe they’re trying to be a little bit critical, and here’s some examples,” said Pexman.

When Sydney’s dad trips and drops a pizza on the floor, her brother tells him, “Smooth move, dad.”

Researchers realized explicit teaching helps kids better understand the form of expression. For little ones, it can be complex and confusing.

“Sometimes people say the opposite of what they mean.

“Why would you not say what you mean because the goal of communication is for people to understand you,” added Pexman.

“Eventually, most kids will figure it out but if we can help them to grasp it as soon as they’re ready, then I think that’s a plus.”

Understanding sarcasm on the playground, said Pexman, can help children bond and decipher social cues. If you miss out on the sarcasm, she said, “you can feel a little bit left out. You’re kind of missing out on the joke.

“The best thing you can do is to try and help them decode it.”

Tweet This Click to share quote on Twitter: "The best thing you can do is to try and help them decode it."

Pexman stressed understanding sarcasm takes time. Not every child will get it right away.

“For a child to understand why you would go to the trouble of doing that involves some pretty complex cognitive development, language skills, social skills.”

Pexman admits she is impressed when she hears preschool children use sarcasm appropriately.

“I am,” she laughed. “I usually write it down.”

There’s no escaping that gentle teasing. It’s everywhere, from TV to books.

Reggin said even she sometimes has to remind herself to say what she means.

“When I really have a message I want to convey, I need to try to be quite literal about it.”