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Police break up ‘exorcism’ in lumber aisle of U.S. Home Depot

In this July 11, 2019, file photo, lumber is stacked at a Home Depot store in Londonderry, N.H. AP Photo/Charles Krupa

A word of warning to anyone building a deck in Pennsylvania: Your lumber might be possessed by a demon. And if it is, you can blame the meddling local police.

Authorities busted up an attempted exorcism in the timber aisle of a Home Depot in Dickson City, Pa., on Monday, according to a bizarre line included in the police department’s daily crime blotter on Facebook.

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Dickson City officers showed up at the Home Depot around 3:30 p.m. on Monday for a call about “disorderly people” at the store, according to the blotter.

Two individuals were “having an exorcism in the lumber aisle for the dead trees,” police wrote.

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The would-be exorcists were two men dressed in black, according to Dickson City Police Chief William Bilinski. Both men were “chanting and moaning” in the lumber aisle and “looked like they were trying to do an exorcism,” Bilinski told the Scranton Times-Tribune newspaper.

Another officer told the Philly Voice that it was a “séance type of thing for the dead.”

The humans were escorted out of the building — but it’s unclear if the alleged evil spirits were escorted back to hell.

There is no indication that the exorcism had anything to do with a recent drop in the price of lumber.

Read more: Timber! What to expect now that lumber prices have dropped back down to earth

Staff at the store declined to comment.

Authorities did not say why the men thought the wood might be possessed.

No humans or haunted two-by-fours were charged in connection with the incident.

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