“He got killed by this guy who was driving.”
That’s how nine-year-old Juan Estupinan recounts what happened to Cst. Mike Chernyk in downtown Edmonton on Saturday night. Someone told him the story of the violent attack, but got the ending wrong. The constable survived and has been released from the hospital.
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Estupinan didn’t get the story from his mother. Like many Canadian parents, Anyi Castellano is trying to shield her children from difficult events, concerned it will serve no purpose other than giving them nightmares.
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Catherine Costigan is a professor at the University of Victoria and works as a psychologist with children and families. She says how parents explain violent or catastrophic events to their children should differ based on the child’s age. Costigan says there’s no need to talk to children under school age about violent current events unless they are asking questions about it.
“Kids at that age, mostly a big subtext of their questions is going to be, ‘Am I safe? Is everything going to be OK?'” Costigan explained.
“So in your responses you can certainly acknowledge what’s happened and that it’s scary and people feel sad then these things happen, but that there’s really trustworthy people in charge and that people are working very hard to make sure that everybody is safe.”
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For children under the age of seven, Costigan also recommends limiting exposure to pictures and videos showing the event.
“Especially the images about it,” Costigan said. “Young children won’t necessarily understand that repeated images of it aren’t happening over and over again so that might be particularly traumatizing if they are exposed too often to images of what’s happened.”
With pre-teens and teens, many of whom will have access to the news on their own devices, Costigan says it’s more important to have proactive discussions. The psychologist says parents can watch coverage with their children, ask how they are feeling and make sure they understand it’s important to pull back from exposure and look after themselves. Parents can also offer suggestions to ease their child’s feelings of helplessness.
“It can be useful as a parent to direct some of the conversation towards, is there something that they can do that can help them feel more in control or more helpful. Maybe they can write get well cards to folks in the hospital, or thank you cards to first responders or just thinking of ways that they can do something positive or proactive in the world can also help kids through these difficult situations.”
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Sophie Yohani is an associate professor in Educational Psychology at the University of Alberta who specializes in loss, trauma and adaptation. Yohani says outside of development, parents also need to consider their child’s experience.
“We need to be aware. What are the specific concerns that children have?” Yohani wrote in an email.
“This may vary with each child’s family circumstances/histories and current context/issues. A child from a family of recently migrated refugees will have a different perspective on violence (and associated fears) versus a child born and raised here who is encountering this type of violence for the first time.”
Yohani writes that it is important for adults who care for vulnerable children to be extra vigilant in monitoring their impact.
“This includes children/youth with previous exposure to trauma/violence (these events are triggers and can reactivate trauma symptoms) and children/youth from visible and other minority groups that are currently stereotypically associated with acts of violence/terrorism,” Yohani wrote.
“These children/youth can become targets in school settings by peers and others in community. For example, African and Muslim youth, based on the media descriptions of the current perpetrator of violence in Edmonton. Ensuring safe and caring environments is extra important for potentially vulnerable children and youth.”
Yohani says even adults will find the events of the last 72 hours challenging, but parents can help their children manage the uncertainty by focusing on hope and community.
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