Not every date is going to result in another one, nor is it a promise for a future relationship. But when the person you’re seeing is leaving you confused on where the two of you stand, it’s time to look at the tell-tale signs that they’re just not that into you.
“Sometimes you don’t want to face reality and you make excuses for why the other person isn’t calling,” relationship expert Shannon Tebb says. “People are always afraid to have that exclusivity talk so they just kind of keep slowly dating and give the other person the benefit of the doubt to see where things go. I think it’s because people are afraid to be vulnerable and share their feelings.”
On the other side of the fence, however, when someone is uninterested in the person they’re dating, the don’t often like to have that uncomfortable conversation telling the other person they’d like to move on, Tebb says.
“They don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings,” she says. “Imagine a guy is not totally into you because he finds you a little overweight. They’re not going to say they don’t like you because of your size and there’s no attraction. So there’s times where they’ll ghost you instead and they’ll make up excuses like they’ve just been really busy and don’t have time to date. Neither person wants to come out looking like the bad guy.”
But how women signal when they’re not interested is different than how men will approach the situation, Tebb says.
So here’s how you can tell.
Signs she’s not into you
When women aren’t feeling the person their dating, Tebb says they can be guilty of ignoring communication with the other person, specifically through text.
“Sometimes women are guilty of this — ignoring his texts — in hopes the relationship will just fizzle out,” she says. “But I think women communicate better and will often let the other person know when they don’t feel the relationship is going anywhere. So women are more honest and direct about it.”
If a woman is on a date with someone she’s not into, the guy can often tell by her body language, Tebb says.
“Her body language will be stiff,” Tebb points out. “They’ll also go to the washroom to use their phone.”
And if she’s not feeling the chemistry, she’ll make an excuse to leave.
“Women will sit there and listen to be polite but then say something like they’re tired or they have to get going because they have an early day the next day,” Tebb says. “I think women will still be attentive on the date but we’re not flirting as much – like smiling or batting our eye lashes or getting close to them. They’ll be a little more standoff-ish and guarded.”
Signs he’s not into you
The first sign that often signals when a man isn’t interested, Tebb says, is when he limits his communication.
“You’re always the one texting or contacting them,” she says. “They’re not really checking in daily, but maybe they’re checking in twice a week instead. And you always seem to be the one to text him first.”
In these cases, men are hoping women will get the hint, Tebb says.
“This is why women get confused,” she says. “They feel a date has gone well but then they’re left with no answers.”
According to Tebb, a guy will also not introduce a woman to his friends, or give her a peek inside his world if he doesn’t plan on taking the relationship to the next level.
Guys won’t often organize the dates, and if they do they’re usually very casual.
“Guys who aren’t invested won’t plan any dates for you,” Tebb explains. “If they do, it’s more of a ‘Netflix and chill’ date. These guys will be more casual, like suggesting you go over to their place and you guys will order takeout. Whereas the guys that are more into you will actually plan dates, put in the time to get to know you before you guys get to the nitty gritty.”
If guys are on a date with a girl they’re not interested in, Tebb says they’ll often avoid eye contact and will look at other women.
“He’ll also look at the time and comment that he has other plans later,” Tebb says. “If you have a date you shouldn’t have back-up plans right after the date. If you have a date it should be for that evening. So guys will be casual about it and meet you for a quick coffee and if it doesn’t go well, they’ll have plans to go see their buddy. But that doesn’t really give the date a fair shot.”
What to do
If you’re left confused on where you stand with your date, the best thing you can do is to trust your gut, Tebb says.
“Trust your intuition and don’t be afraid to bring it up in a conversation,” Tebb advises. “I think men really value women who are open and honest, and there’s nothing wrong with showing a little vulnerability.”
And rather than outright asking point blank out of the blue about where they stand, Tebb says it’s best to word it in a way that’s playful and light.
For example, let the person know that other people have been asking you out but before you say yes, you’d like to figure out what the status of the current relationship is.
“It’s playful and they don’t feel the pressure,” Tebb says.
If their answer is on the fence or if you’re given the green light to date other people, then maybe it’s time to call it off.