What a year it was for pop music. Sure, there was some fine music
in 2012 (witness the tidal wave of accolades for Frank Ocean’s Channel Orange)
but most of what filled our iPods, airwaves, and subconscious was pure candy (we’re talking to you, Nicki Minaj). We never found somebody like
Adele and we were disappointed with the new material from our girl
Madonna. We got another dull American Idol winner, but at least
Phillip Phillips didn’t change his name like Snoop Dogg (who became
Snoop Lion), Jermaine Jackson (now inexplicably Jermaine Jacksun) and
Lily Allen (who now answers to Lily Rose Cooper).
Here are some of the high and low notes in music:
Earworms that refused to die…
Sigh
if you will but PSY was the biggest musical phenomenon of 2012. South
Korean rapper Park Jae-sang’s infectious “Gangnam Style” was the
“Macarena” of the new millennium and went viral faster than SARS. The
video for the track shattered YouTube records with more than a billion
views.
It was released in Canada in 2011 but “Call Me Maybe” became a global hit in 2012. Performed by Canadian Idol
finalist Carly Rae Jepsen, co-written by Marianas Trench singer Josh
Ramsay, and originally released by Nickelback singer Chad Kroeger’s 604
Records, the ubiquitous song is as Canadian as maple syrup – and just as
sappy. But just try to get it out of your head.
Not since Alanis
Morissette sang about things that weren’t actually ironic in a song
called “Ironic” (therein lies the irony, perhaps?) has the world
embraced a grammatically questionable song like 2012’s “Somebody That I
Used to Know.” It’s “whom” you used to know, Gotye, “whom!” The ditty
ranked second to “Call Me Maybe” not only in sales but in the number of
people who sang it in front of the bathroom mirror.
Never say narwhal…
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In an interview published in Rolling Stone,
Justin Bieber said: “I’m actually part Indian. I think Inuit or
something? I’m enough percent that in Canada I can get free gas.” While
it’s true that bearers of a Secure Certificate of Indian Status – more
commonly known as a Status Card – are exempt from paying taxes on most
goods and services, they don’t get free gas. Adding insult to Bieber’s
ignorance, if he did indeed have Inuit ancestry, he would not be
entitled to a Status Card since the Inuit are not covered by the Indian
Act.
Bieber earned his high school diploma in 2012, though you wouldn’t know it from his appearance on Late Show with David Letterman.
The host warned Bieber not to get too many tattoos “because more and
more you’ll seem like the Sistine Chapel.” The pop star responded: “I’m
not going for the Sixteenth Chapel.” Letterman could only shake his head
and utter: “Canadian high school.”
Music for the lasses…
The
Backstreet Boys were back (alright!) in 2012 and fans who used to save
their babysitting money to go to a concert were now paying a babysitter
so they could go to a concert. Luckily, the world will never run out of
screaming, sobbing girls and the BSB and NKOTB of the OMG generation
turned out to be The Wanted and One Direction, two pre-fab groups of
five that sparked Fab Four-like frenzies. The Wanted toured on the
strength of a decidedly double-entendre single “Glad You Came” and One
Direction hit the road on the success of the “Summer Nights” homage
“What Makes You Beautiful.” The year’s other heartthrobs included Cody
Simpson, Hunter Hayes and, like, totally, Justin Bieber.
Falling for Taylor ain’t so Swift…
An
abundance of effeminate young men on the music scene, of course, equals
a larger dating pool for Taylor Swift. Sure enough, Swift started
dating 1D’s Harry Styles (a better name for an infection than a
musician) in 2012, but planned to break-up in time to write about the
experience for her next album. The romance came after her summer fling
with Conor Kennedy.
Other musical artists making headlines in 2012
for being in love or falling out of it include Katy Perry, who ended
her short marriage to Russell Brand; Canada’s Avril Lavigne and
Nickelback singer Chad Kroeger, who got engaged; Seal, who split from
Heidi Klum; and Justin Timberlake, who married Jessica Biel. Justin
Bieber broke up with Selena Gomez (maybe) and then got back together
(maybe).
Beyonce and Jay-Z started 2012 with a baby they named
Blue Ivy. Jessica Simpson popped out her first baby, Maxwell, in May and
announced in December she’s expecting another. Simpson’s ex Nick Lachey
became a first-time father in September when wife Vanessa Minnillo
welcomed son Camden. And Adele is singing lullabies to her new baby.
Singing with a porpoise…
In August, Canadian singer Suzie McNeil issued a statement in the wake of a Toronto Star
investigation into the treatment of animals at Marineland in Niagara
Falls. McNeil, whose voice is heard singing the park’s commercial
jingle, said she was “shocked and saddened” by the allegations of abuse.
“Marineland owns and has the right to continue using that recording,
despite my feelings,” she explained. On Twitter, McNeil suggested: “I
need to get the tag line replaced with ‘all the whales
haaaaate…Marineland!’”
Two posses fighting over one…
How
often do you hear about a guy named Aubrey getting into a brawl inside a
New York nightclub? Or anywhere. It happened in 2012 when Rihanna’s
exes Drake and Chris Brown, and their respective posses, exchanged nasty
words. Punches were thrown and bottles were tossed. Eight people were
injured in the fracas, including Eva Longoria’s ex Tony Parker. In the
end, Brown got back together with Rihanna.
The days the music died…
A
few notable voices were silenced in 2012, including Etta James, Whitney
Houston, former Monkees singer Davy Jones, Adam Yauch of the Beastie
Boys, Bee Gees brother Robin Gibb, Donna Summer and Andy Williams. We
also lost The Band’s Levon Helm, Parachute Club’s Billy Bryans and
composer Marvin Hamlisch.
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