I once had a man tell me that the worst thing I could do for my child is not have another one.
I said “pardon?”
I am sure the intention was not bad or to lay a blanket of guilt over me, but it was hard not to feel the weight of that expectation – perhaps a societal expectation as well. I started to wonder if I could be doing a disservice to our daughter and perhaps our family if we didn’t have another one.
Let’s face it, labour and delivery is not fun. Who really says they enjoyed pushing an eight-pound watermelon out of their hoo-ha? Of course we are all happy in the end with our cute kin and I know that every experience is different but I will be honest, I was a little traumatized by the whole ordeal and it has taken me a long time to get to the point of even thinking about the idea of another one.
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I thought it would be like a bad hangover and I would forget what it felt like and do it again, but pain in my pelvis is a constant reminder of the physical pain and sometimes long lasting effects of giving birth.
So when you tell me that the worst thing I can do for my child is not to have another one, I can’t help but to wonder if you thought about how traumatizing the birthing process can be for women? Or that maybe we spent tens of thousands of dollars just to have one child to love to death and can’t afford another one?
Now I can see your raised eyebrows and your brain turning thinking that naturally it is my turn on our curling team to have another child, but I am not writing this today to announce any news.
But I am here to tell you to think about your comments around pregnancy and having kids the next time you are talking to someone, unless it is your spouse or absolute best friend.
After the comment about the worst thing I can do for my child, I also started noticing other unwelcome comments and questions such as “when are you having another one?” “Shouldn’t you be having another one soon?” “Doesn’t Camryn want a little baby sister or brother?”
For real?!
Are you seriously asking me this very personal question? What business is it of yours? And how do you know I or anyone else you ask isn’t having fertility problems? And how awkward and sad would it be for someone who is trying to have a baby or another baby, but can’t? And just because they have one doesn’t mean they want another one!
As recently as this past week, I have been asked questions like this. Since Dawn on our team had her baby two months ago, people have taken it as an opportunity to ask Jennifer and myself when or if we are having more babies. Therefore, I have found myself in many awkward and uncomfortable conversations with nothing to say because I feel the whole situation is so personal.
So, I will tell you now as politely as I can, “it is none of your business.”
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