WATCH: The dumbest criminals of 2014 caught on tape
WATCH ABOVE: One bank robber in China found his plan foiled when he was unable to heft his stolen bag of money.
TORONTO – When it comes to devious criminal schemes, let’s just say these folks aren’t exactly Lex Luthor.
And luckily for us, their exploits were caught on tape for all the world to see.
These are the dumbest criminals of the past year, as chosen by Global News.
Armoured car robbery foiled after thief cannot lift bag of money
Never has the phrase “doing all the heavy lifting” been so literally – and comically – true.
Surveillance camera footage (see above) has been released of a bank robbery in China that went from dangerous to comical after the would-be thief discovered his plan had a critical flaw: He wasn’t able to lift his bag of stolen cash.
Man tries to smuggle stolen electronics inside his kilt
In August, an Oregon man was accused of boosting multiple items from an electronics store – by smuggling them inside his kilt.
And while the traditional Scottish garb may be enjoying a resurgence, few would ever think to use one as an aid to theft.
But that’s exactly what the brazen Portland man now stands accused of, having allegedly smuggled items like a computer mouse, a car charger, and even a remote controlled helicopter inside the roomy confines of his man-skirt.
Naked bandits steal beef, leave their briefs at Florida restaurant
Three men broke into a Florida restaurant, took some beef – and left behind their briefs.
Police say three men forced their way into Doc’s Beach House restaurant in Bonita Springs, Florida in July and began stealing food.
But before they did, the naked ne’er-do-wells decided their boxer-briefs were just too restrictive for a caper of this magnitude – and took them off.
Sausage burglar found asleep in meat shop office
While we’re on the subject of meat heists, here’s one would-be sausage thief foiled by the greatest criminal deterrent of all: Fatigue.
Surveillance video from earlier this month at Houston Meats, a butcher shop in Austin, shows Ricardo Cardona break in, steal some sausages – and fall asleep.
In the end, Mr. Cardona wasn’t even charged with attempted robbery in what was likely just a case of alcohol-induced misbehaviour.
Suspect robs store with stolen banana
A security camera inside a Philadelphia convenience store this past September captured this brazen thief trying to hold up the till with nothing more than fresh produce.
In the video, a man is seen picking up the piece of fruit and sticking it in his pocket. He proceeds to demand cash and cigarettes from the cashier while making it seem like the banana was a gun.
Officers say the suspect was given an undetermined amount of money before fleeing on a bicycle.
Home intruder forgets to log off Facebook after break-in
For anyone who’s ever had an embarrassing moment on Facebook, take comfort – it couldn’t have been as boneheaded as this incident.
This past June, a Minnesota man broke into a home and for reasons unknown, decided to check his Facebook profile mid-robbery.
Even worse: He forgot to log off once he was done, leaving police a pretty good clue as to who was behind the robbery.
Convenience store robbery foiled by beer deliveryman
Credit this Coors deliveryman for staying “Rocky Mountain Cool” under pressure.
Brock Nulph was making his usual delivery at a convenience store in Enid, Oklahoma this past October when a masked man suddenly demanded money from the store clerk.
Nulph – who told reporters he has no history or training in either law enforcement or martial arts – grabbed the masked man by the arms, and slammed him to the ground.
For nearly five minutes, Nulph pinned the man to the ground waiting for police to arrive. In that time, he learned that the man’s “gun” was actually just a black stick, and that the “man” was just 14 years old.
Man tried to evade cops by fleeing on skateboard
A man involved in a police chase in Los Angeles earlier this month took a page out of Bart Simpson’s playbook when he attempted to evade the cops on his skateboard.
Unfortunately for him, his plan went about as well as Homer Simpson’s attempt to jump the Springfield Gorge.
Sacramento police officer tackles suspect fleeing on bicycle
It may not have been a skateboard, but this man’s attempt to elude police on his bicycle went about as well.
This past February, 19-year-old Michael Kennedy reportedly fled from an officer at an area train station after it was discovered he had multiple outstanding warrants.
CBS13 cameraman James Taylor was on the scene covering the story as Kennedy ran out of someone’s yard, hopped on a bicycle and headed straight towards him.
Taylor’s camera rolled as Kennedy got closer and closer. Then, just as the two were about to collide, a police officer seemingly appeared out of nowhere and tackled Kennedy off the bicycle to the ground.
Thief arrested after posting selfies wearing stolen merchandise
An Illinois woman is in jail after posting selfies on Facebook in which she is wearing a dress she allegedly swiped from a clothing store this past July.
Danielle Saxton, 27, was charged with theft under $300. She was held in jail on an outstanding warrant from a previous drug-related charge.
Florida road rage turns into instant karma
A driver in Florida is having the last laugh after being the victim of a road rage incident which she captured on video – and the resulting plot twist becoming a viral video smash.
While driving outside of Tampa, the woman, who wishes to remain anonymous, was being tailgated by an impatient pickup truck driver.
The pickup driver eventually overtakes her, not once, but twice. On the second time, he makes an offensive gesture and speeds away.
That’s when “instant karma” intervened. The pickup driver loses control and crashes into a ditch.
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