Guilt, anger, loss of sleep: Canadians say they need more help processing grief

The Canadian Grief Alliance (CGA) received nearly 4,000 responses on a survey asking Canadians how they are handling grief in their life, highlighting the need for more resources and public education.

“A lot of people who are grieving don’t have the kinds of outlets that they might want to talk to other people, to share their experience,” CGA co-chair Paul Adams told Global News.

Around 50 per cent of survey respondents said they felt unsupported in their grief and over 80 per cent of respondents also said they would like to be asked about their loss.

“There’s a big gap between the way we operate in the world, many of us, and what the people suffering from grief experience,” Adams said.

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He added that there is a common misconception that sorrow is the main emotion that stems from grief.

“Many people feel guilt, they feel angry, they may be irritable or have their appetite affected, sleep affected,” Adams said. “A lot of people seem to think that grief is over within a few weeks or sometimes people think a year is a deadline for grief being over.”

Recommendations from the grief survey will be presented to Health Canada in 2025 and Adams said he is hoping for more public education, education for professionals and more resources for counselling services.

“People who don’t find adequate support in their family and friends look to other resources and those resources are there and sometimes they are not there,” he said.

In places like Saskatchewan, Adams said there is a big difference between what is available in Saskatoon and Regina and what is available in the rest of the province.

“Urban areas are generally better served than rural areas and some communities are better than others,” he said.

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Maria Fiala, communications manager for the Canadian Grief Alliance, said she lost her grandmother at the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic and her grandfather just last year.

“There was just a domino effect of losses,” she said. “There was my grandma during that time, my marriage broke down, so that was a huge source of grief.”

She noted that unprocessed and unsupported grief can be a precursor to mental illness.

“The grief associated with mental health and mental illness is something that’s not really talked about and it can be very significant,” Fiala said. “Mental illness can really rob you of some of your favourite things.”

She said supporting someone who is grieving is simple.

“What people need is to feel seen, empathy and validation. That’s really it. Don’t try to make it better and don’t try to put a silver lining on it.”