“The COVID-19 pandemic made pre-planning final arrangements more of a normal conversation within the average household,” says Lindsay Horner, Cemetery Pre-Planning Director at Arbor Memorial’s White Chapel Memorial Gardens and Chapel Hill Memorial Gardens.
Calls and questions on the topic of pre-planning definitely increased during the pandemic, she adds. But she says people should be thinking about these plans before an urgent situation occurs.
Horner also states when families are first in contact with White Chapel and Chapel Hill, often times they don’t know how extensive the process is when planning final arrangements. Her job is to educate families to be able to make an informed decision. Once arrangements have been started, there is a sense of relief.
There are several reasons to pre-plan final arrangements, says Linda Clarke, Assistant Branch Manager of White Chapel Memorial Gardens and Chapel Hill Memorial Gardens.
Clarke says that expense is one of the main reasons people pre-plan their arrangements as costs increase year over year. “People want to lock in at today’s prices,” Clarke says. She notes that in cemeteries, land fees increase incrementally, especially when it comes to availability.
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Those who pre-plan cemetery arrangements have options to pay in full, as well as financing options available starting at only 10 per cent down with up to a 48-month term. The company offers transfer benefits to other Arbor Memorial locations that can be found in eight Canadian provinces.
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By pre-arranging now, family members, such as aging parents, are taking the financial burden off their children, says Clarke.
Another major reason for creating a plan now is to reduce anxiety later, during what will be a time of grief and vulnerability, says Clarke.
“I’ve never had a child say I wish mom and dad didn’t do this. They always say how grateful they are so they don’t have to make those decisions.” Many adult children say they are happy that the question of cremation or traditional burial has been answered for them. Clarke notes while it would be ideal for people to start planning in their 20’s and 30’s, for most people, pre-planning dialogues begin after a first parent dies.
Tom Flannery, Managing Director at Dodsworth & Brown – Burlington Chapel, who has been in the bereavement industry for 33 years, says that advance planning helps families avoid making impulsive decisions out of fear. Families can have a more casual conversation – even writing a few things down on paper – as long as they have an idea of their loved ones wishes.
“I think planning in advance allows people to have an open discussion,” Flannery says. “Pre-planning also allows people to educate themselves on all of the options related to cremation/casket burial and funerals, and ensure a well-informed decision without the need for urgency.”
Clarke says she takes things slowly with families. Many times, it starts with a phone call to her office where Linda gives the family an option to meet in person or to share materials electronically. White Chapel and Chapel Hill offer materials to get you started including an estate planning kit, and a checklist of 87 decisions that must be made when a death occurs – 54 of the 87 decisions can be made ahead of time.
Additional resources are available on the Bereavement Authority of Ontario website. The site also provides a free consumer information guide and resources to inform the public of their rights before entering into a contract with licensed funeral and burial establishments.
“I start my discussion with families so that hopefully this is going to be an education so they can make an informed decision about the options being presented,” says Clarke.
Both Clarke and Horner say the conversation usually begins with decisions on either cremation or traditional burial, as there are numerous decisions to make.
“This is a purchase that is very tangible. You need to come in to see the property, or if you are pre-planning a funeral, we would like you to come in and see the facilities and look at options for a casket or urn in the selection room,” says Clarke.
Clarke, Horner and Flannery recommend that at some point in the pre-planning process, customers come to do an in-person visit at the funeral home or cemetery. However, virtual meeting accommodations can be made.
Flannery says that pre-planning also allows for creativity and the ability to tell a life story in a beautiful way. He encourages people to think about the way that loved ones would want to be remembered.
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He says family members have brought in many unique items to tell a story – from kayaks to motorcycles to personal paintings. At one service, a family printed their mother’s bread recipe on her memorial stationary and baked the bread, which they handed out to loved ones. “There you have a representation of that person. You can imagine you walk into the room, and your senses are taken over by the fresh smell of bread.”
The best pre-planned services, he says, are those that help people to learn more about the person being honoured.
“That’s often what we hear at funerals. People will actually learn something and come away with the gratifying feeling that wow, that person lived a very full life.”
Click here to learn more about making cemetery and funeral pre-arrangements.