Cool uncle Harry and aunt Pippa may help the new royal get out their teenage kicks
TORONTO — There’s a sliver of hope that our soon-to-be young heir will shake off the curmudgeonly old shackles of the monarchy and grow up to be the party king or queen we’ve always dreamed of — and that hope lies with Pippa, the urchin daughter of a party planner, and Harry the playboy prince.
Cool uncle Harry’s country estate summer bender may prove to be a well of war stories for his niece or nephew.
Left unattended for two months at the family’s Highgrove estate when he was 16, Harry was spotted frequently getting drunk at the Rattlebone Inn pub, hosting private after-hours parties and smoking marijuana. The palace didn’t deny the local peasants’ accounts, saying the prince had experimented with the drug on several occasions but insisted his use wasn’t “regular.”
Harry can also allegedly impart the new heir with some tips on how to cheat their way through art class. In 2003, Harry’s art teacher claimed that she witnessed the head of the art department finishing the prince’s artwork adding that he also instructed her to write five pages of Harry’s coursework. The department head dismissed her claims as a “pack of lies” and said he was only helping Harry stick the canvas together.
But who needs school anyway? After photos leaked of Harry in the middle of a round of strip billiards with some new buds, he was quickly flown back to London in the middle of the night and later deployed to Afghanistan.
Harry later remarked that he felt far more at home in a cockpit than a classroom.
“Exams were always a nightmare, but anything like kicking a ball around or playing PlayStation or flying — I do generally find a little bit easier than walking, sometimes,” said Harry last January.
Harry’s ability to blend in with the working class will be nothing but a positive influence on the blue-blood.
“Once you are wearing the uniform you are part of the gang and you know, fine, I am the queen’s grandson and all that good stuff. I love representing her, but to be honest with you and as far as I see it and as far as William sees it as well — our service towards our country in the military in whichever shape or form it takes will always come first.”
Being celebrated only for your lineage and not your accomplishments might be tough for the youngster while they are growing up. But Aunt Pippa will be there to reassure them that being famous for only one of your many qualities is not really all that bad.
“It’s a bit startling to achieve global recognition (if that’s the right word) before the age of thirty, on account of your sister, your brother-in-law and your bottom,” said Pippa before the launch of her party-planning book Celebrate: A Year of Festivities for Families and Friends.
Pippa has since gracefully parlayed her fame into gig at Vanity Fair writing about tennis, British pastimes and other “famous bums.”
But if the new royal can’t take the pressure, Uncle Harry can always show them how he roughed-up (or shoved, a little?) a photographer outside a London nightclub, leaving him with a bloody lip.
But hopefully Harry can pass on one of his hardest-learned lessons – don’t dress up as a Nazi for your pal’s birthday bash.
© Shaw Media, 2013