Vancouver-based author of Breakup Bootcamp Amy Chan recently joined The Morning Show to discuss the best ways we can heal from a breakup.
Chan recommends being amicable, rather than vilifying your ex.
“If you are still blaming your ex, vilifying your ex (and) hoping for your ex to change, you’re still in a relationship with your ex,” she says.
Holding onto the pain prevents us from focusing on ourselves and learning how we can move forward, she adds.
Chan recommends doing a digital and physical detox — deleting photos, getting rid of things that remind you of them and unfollowing them on social media are a few things you can do to begin the healing process.
When you’re in a relationship with someone, you have neural pathways that are wired together, Chan says.
“After a breakup, if you continuously go down memory lane and look at those old text messages or mementos, you only strengthen those old neural pathways,” she adds.
Chan says there’s a difference between processing our emotions — where you allow yourself to feel things without judgement — and feeding into them.
“Feeding your emotional monster is when you’re feeling sad and then you play sad love songs on repeat. It’s when you cry in fetal position and you don’t get out of bed,” she adds.
She recommends doing the opposite, such as surrounding yourself with people or playing upbeat music.
You should still be prepared to feel the withdrawals after a breakup, Chan adds.
“Your body is in a state of shock,” Chan says. “When you’re with your partner, you are getting dopamine and oxytocin and these feel-good chemicals in the relationship.”
Finding healthier ways of getting dopamine after separation could mean exercise, seeing friends or finding new hobbies, she adds.
For more tips on handling a breakup amid a pandemic, watch the full video above.