NOTE: This article contains sexual and offensive language and may be triggering for some readers. Please read at your own discretion.
Supergirl star Melissa Benoist has revealed that she’s a “survivor of domestic violence.”
In a lengthy video posted to Instagram on Wednesday, Benoist said she doesn’t “normally do things like this” but wanted to be able to share her story in her own words.
“I’ve written something that I want to share and I wanted it to stay my words and not have to edit it down for publishing,” she said.
The 31-year-old actress did not name her abuser but did describe him as “charming, funny, manipulative, devious.”
“He was younger than me, his maturity obvious,” she said. “For a period of time, I wasn’t interested. I was newly single, gaining my bearing in a change in my life.”
She said that he made her feel “less alone” and “special” but once they started dating, it “was a zero to 60 catapult.”
“It’s still hard for me to dissect what I was thinking and feeling that kept me from stopping what felt like a runaway freight train,” she shared. “It didn’t matter that I had misgivings, whether or not he was the one, at the time, it felt very good how much he coveted me. How much he seemed to treasure who I was. He loved me. I thought I loved him, and I was going to make it work.”
She said the abuse was not violent at first.
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“There was a lot of jealousy. He was snooping on devices, he was angry when I spoke to another man. I had to change clothes often before we went out because he didn’t want people looking at me,” Benoist said.
“On a birthday I spent working, I was criticized because I had to dance with a co-worker,” the Glee alum said. “Work, in general, was a touchy subject. He didn’t want me ever kissing or having flirtatious scenes with men, which was very hard for me to avoid.”
She said she began “turning down auditions, job offers, test deals, friendships because I didn’t want to hurt him.”
“None of that registered as abuse, because I was worried about how he felt at that point, to even comprehend how it even affected me,” the actress shared. “In retrospect, I see that each red flag followed a very clear path on things becoming violent.”
Around five months into their relationship, Benoist said her boyfriend’s actions started to become more violent.
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“The first time it happened, he threw a smoothie at my face. It smacked my cheek and it explored all over the floor and the sofa,” she said.
Benoist admitted that she never said anything about the physical abuse in her relationship out of fear and shame.
“The stark truth is I learned what it felt like to be pinned down and slapped repeatedly, punched so hard the wind was knocked out of me, dragged by my hair across pavement, head-butted, pinched until my skin broke, shoved into a wall so hard the drywall broke, choked,” she said.
“I learned to lock myself in rooms but quickly stopped because the door was inevitably broken down,” she added. “I learned to not value any of my property — replaceable and irreplaceable. I learned not to value myself.”
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She said she would remember how the arguments would usually end.
“There would always be a click of reality snapping back into place when he would see what he had done and a wave of guilt would wash over him. I imagine in some subconscious effort to wash us both clean of what just happened, he would carry me and put me in an empty bathtub, turn the faucet on and leave me while he would gather himself,” she said.
“Deep down, I never believed he would change, I just fooled myself into thinking I could help him,” she admitted. “Someone had to let him know his behaviour wasn’t OK, and who better than the one he was taking it out on?
“Inwardly, I was the ugliest version of myself I had ever known. I became unreliable, unprofessional, sometimes unreachable,” she continued. “There were stretches of weeks where I wouldn’t get out of bed for more than two hours a day. If you met me at this time, I was most likely friendly, just to the point of getting close and aloof to the point of getting cold.”
Benoist said the final incident involved his iPhone.
“It was a blow to my face with his iPhone,” she said, detailing the experience. “The impact tore my iris, nearly ruptured my eyeball, lacerated my skin and broke my nose. My left eye swelled shut. I had a fat lip… Something inside of me broke, this was too far.
“This is an injury that’s never going to fully heal, my vision is never going to be the same,” Benoist continued. “Whatever I thought love was, it certainly wasn’t what I had been going through. I was so tired of living the way I had been living, but it felt too late to get out. Would it be safe to leave?”
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The actress said she finally told a friend who asked about her partner’s behaviour.
“Leaving was not a walk in the park. It is not an event, it’s a process. I felt complicated feelings of guilt for leaving and for hurting someone I had protected for so long, and yes, mournful feeling of leaving something familiar,” she explained. “But luckily, the people I let in, the more I was bolstered, I never lost the sense of clarity that kept telling me, ‘You do not deserve this.’
“Breaking that cycle was the most rewarding, empowering choice I’ve ever made for myself. I feel an enduring strength,” she said. “I will be healing from this for the rest of my life.”
After posting her video to Instagram she also shared statistics and posted a domestic violence hotline’s phone number.
“The long and winding road of healing and reconciliation has brought me to this moment where I feel strong enough to talk about my experience openly, honestly and without shame,” she wrote in the caption. “By sharing my story, hopefully I can empower others to seek help and extricate themselves from abusive relationships. Everyone deserves to be loved void of violence, fear and physical harm.”
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Supergirl executive producers Greg Berlanti and Sarah Schechter released a statement following Benoist’s video.
“Melissa Benoist is a hero, both on and off the screen,” the statement reads. “She is an extraordinary woman and we are proud to stand with her and behind her. We applaud her bravery and strength and we join her in hoping this incredible act of honestly encourages other people to speak up and find safety and support. We love you Melissa.”
After Benoist posted her video, the hashtag #IStandWithMelissa began to trend on Twitter.
Benoist’s husband and Supergirl co-star Chris Wood wrote: “Happy Thanksgiving! I’m going to kiss my wife and hold her tenderly. All day. And every day. How do YOU show love? #IStandWithMelissa.
Benoist was married to Glee co-star Blake Jenner for a little over a year, but filed for divorce in 2016. Their divorce was finalized in 2017.
Supergirl airs on Sundays at 9 p.m. ET on Showcase.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse or is involved in an abusive situation, please visit the Canadian Resource Centre for Victims of Crime for help. They are also reachable toll-free at 1-877-232-2610.