Page Six has declared that my home and native land, Alberta, Canada, is a dull place.
“Prince Harry, Meghan Markle to honeymoon in world’s most boring place,” the column declares.
Apparently, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are staying at the Fairmont Jasper Park Lodge in Alberta for their honeymoon.
The New York Post has really gone and stepped in it – but when you step in it here, in Calgary, there’s a good possibility it’s going to be a big ol’ moose turd, because we live in wild suburbia, where moose regularly trot around our backyards, grizzlies come to visit, and cougars hang at Starbucks.
Like, so boring, eh?
I’m sure I don’t need to tell the Post that a newspaper headline is supposed to reflect what’s in the body of the piece, but because I was a newspaper reporter and editor for a decade, I will. “Boring” is not a synonym for “sumptuously comfortable bedrooms,” which is where the couple is apparently staying.
I’ll also give you a new headline: “Prince Harry, Meghan Markle to honeymoon in world’s most intoxicating place.”
And, now for the facts:
I’ve been to the Bellagio water fountain in Las Vegas. If you want to compare that to Johnston Canyon’s cascading waterfalls, think baby bath time in a sink with Raffi’s Baby Beluga compared to white-water rock ‘n’ roll rafting. Banff wins.
Foam parties in dark dance clubs in Cancun, Mexico, are fun, but they don’t hold a glow stick to the world’s biggest party known as the Calgary Stampede. We eat scorpion pizzas, for crying out loud. Last year, 1.2-million people visited The Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth … on EARTH, people. But what do a million people know?
OK, if Earth isn’t your thing, we also have the town of Vulcan whose slogan is “Resistance is Futile!” It has a Starship Enterprise and a set of Vulcan ears donated by Leonard Nimoy.
It’s a pleasant trip to go round-and-round on London’s Eye Ferris wheel on the River Thames, but the Banff Gondola takes you to the top of Sulphur Mountain with a view of six mountain ranges. If honeymoons are supposed to be about passion, Harry and Megs can canoodle on the ride while they look out for Hoary marmots and Clark’s nutcracker.
According to gossip site TMZ, H&M are staying at Fairmont Jasper Park Lodge in a 6,000 square-foot cabin that once housed King George VI and Queen Elizabeth in 1939 as well as Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip in 2005.
(Fairmont released a statement saying the couple is not currently booked for a stay, but, really, what are they going to say?)
This could be the place that Harry and Meghan will look back on as the place where they started a family. With six bedrooms and two fireplaces, there are many places for passion.
While Harry and Meghan are here, they can also visit the Drumheller Hoodoos, hike Canmore’s Grassi Lakes trail and fly down Winsport’s zipline at Canada Olympic Park, home to the 1988 Olympics. It’s North America’s fastest zipline.
Page Six has their knickers in a knot over the fact that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle chose Canada over the U.S. for their honeymoon. They’re just going to have to grin and bear it. It’s just so – wild.
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