It’s something that no one ever expects will happen to them, a loss of a baby during pregnancy or shortly after the baby is born.
Many couples during their darkest hours don’t know where to turn but luckily for the Gillespies, they had a friend who could help.
“I don’t even know how to describe it, I was lost to be honest, we both were we didn’t know what to do and when he was born it almost seemed impossible to try to get through that day,” Lane Gillespies said.
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On June 5, 2015, the day the couple had their first born son Gabriel, they knew it would be his last because of a condition that was detected with before he was born.
“We never thought, I never thought it would be us in that situation,” Krista Gillespies said.
Neither did Briana Koop or the couple’s friend Jasmin Herchak, who both lost a baby in 2013. Two years later, the pair would establish Empty Arms Perinatal Loss Support Services to help guide parents through the same journey.
“Everybody changes once they’ve lost a baby, there’s sort of life before and life after,” Herchak said.
“You’re not the person you were before so it helps to have a group of people that you can relate to you.”
Koop said she figured if nothing was flagged as a concern within her first trimester, than there was nothing to worry about and she would be taking a healthy baby home at some point from the hospital.
“It’s anywhere from a third to a quarter of pregnancies end like ours did.”
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This year, Koop and Herchak have been able to help 20 families who have lost their baby either before, during or after birth.
Herchak said they helped 10 of those families just in the last three months as word of their service spreads.
The team offers everything from lacation support, a peer support group to making what little time parents have with their baby more meaningful including taking photos which many parents say never crossed their minds.
“To not have that now, I would be devastated,” said Krista Gillespies.
“I would completely have regretted if we had not chosen to have those pictures done because any time that I want I can go look at our little boy.”
“Our companions do footprints, handprints just all sorts of momentos so they’re not leaving the hospital completed empty handed even though they can’t take their babies home,” Briana Koop said.
The window of opportunity to connect with families in need is sometimes fairly small but that isn’t stopping the pair of women from setting some ambitious goals.
“To help as many families as we can to have a healthier grieving process,” Herchak said
“It’s a long journey for it to be healthy is very important.”
“You can take all the classes in the world to prepare for a normal birth but once death comes knocking on your door you’re lost and they’ll come in and guide you right through.”
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