A mother in France took to Facebook this week to explain one thing about her daughter with Down syndrome – the words you use do matter.
Caroline Boudet’s four-month old daughter, Louise, was diagnosed with Down syndrome shortly after she was born.
And on Monday the 36-year-old mother from Alençon, France wrote a lengthy post on Facebook about what people should and should not say when speaking about her child.
“I know that if one does not experience it, one does not think about it but words do matter. They can comfort and they can hurt. So just give it a thought, especially if you’re a doctor or nurse of any kind,” she wrote.
Boudet pointed out three examples that she says people say when talking about her child that they shouldn’t, or wouldn’t say to anyone else.
“Please, when you meet a Louise, do not ask her mother, ‘How come you did not find out during the pregnancy?’ Either they did, and the parents took the decision to keep the baby. Or they didn’t, and it was surprising enough for them,” she wrote.
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Also, her daughter Louise is a baby who has been diagnosed with Down syndrome, not a “down’s baby.”
“No. She is a 4-month-old baby who happens to have Down Syndrome. It’s not what she IS, it’s what she HAS. You wouldn’t say ‘she’s a cancer baby,’” she wrote.
Read the full post below:
Here is my baby girl, Louise. She is 4 months old, has two legs two arms, and one extra chromosome.
Please, when you meet a Louise, do not ask her mother “how come you did not find out during the pregnancy?” Either it was and the parents took the decision to keep the baby. Either it wasn’t, and it was surprising enough for them, to talk about it over and over now.
Keep in your mind that mothers have a tendency to feel guilty about each and every thing, so a surprising extra chromosome… I let you guess.
Don’t tell her mother “it’s you baby no matter what.” No. It’s my baby, period. Plus : “nomatterwhat” is quite an ugly name, I’d rather call her Louise.
Don’t tell her mother “As she a down’s baby, she will… etc.” No. She is a 4-month old baby who happens to have Down Syndrome. It’s not what she IS, it’s what she HAS. You wouldn’t say “she’s a cancer baby.”
Don’t say “they’re like this, they’re like that.” “They” all have their features, their character, their own tastes, their life. “They” are as different between them as you are from your neighbour.
I know that if one does not experience it, one does not think about it but words do matter. They can comfort and they can hurt. So just give it a thought, especially if you’re a doctor or nurse of any kind.
I usually do not make my status public on Facebook, but this one will be. You can read it and share it as you want.
Because each year there are (in France) 500 new “mothers of Louise” that can have a day ruined by those kind of words. I know it’s not meant to hurt. But you just need to know.
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