My loved one has passed away. What in the world should I do now?

I was recently interviewed on the topic of life after losing a partner: preparing for a new reality. Unfortunately, this stage in life comes way too early for some people and can cause one to feel as if a tsunami is coming directly at them. This was a half-hour show, with a live audience and a number of the invited guests were widows dealing with a loss as fresh as nine months, up to about fifteen years. I will never forget sitting on the couch during the taping and watching a young woman in the front row with tears streaming down her face. It was all I could do to stop myself from getting up and going to give her a hug.

This was not the first nor will it be the last time I have seen or will see these raw emotions on the face of a woman or man who has lost their partner. Unfortunately, I too have shed these tears over the years and can still find myself being yanked back to the emotions I fought through after losing my first husband almost fifteen years ago as if it were yesterday. There are still days when I can vividly remember the mind-numbing grief, physical pain and confusion that overtook me to the point where I could not make a simple decision like whether I wanted peas or carrots with my dinner.

After the taping was over, we had an opportunity for a Q&A session where the emotions were still raw and the questions were pointed. We held a twitter chat afterwards and there was a thread through all of the questions from both sessions. Everyone was concerned that they had done the right things first but were looking for confirmation they had. The big thing I kept hearing was, “All I could think to myself after they were gone was, what in the world should I do now?”

I too struggled with that question and thought I’d make it easier by putting together a checklist of the most important things you need to prioritize after someone you love passes away.

1. Accept help from those you trust. The first people you need to reach out to inform are your family.  If you do not have anyone in close proximity then reach out to friends.  They can take a huge weight off your shoulders by helping to get the word out about your loss. This is not something I would suggest you take on by yourself.
2. Contact the executor of the will or estate.  In the event of a death, if the deceased left a will and there is an appointed executor of the will or estate (by either the deceased or a court) contact them immediately to carry out the instructions contained in the document.
3. Tell your employer and group benefits co-coordinator. The employer of your loved one (or business associates) should be notified immediately in the event of a death.  There may be ongoing benefits that you or the deceased’s estate may be entitled to receive.
4. Contact your life insurance/financial advisor. They can contact the appropriate companies immediately and get paperwork started so you can receive insurance proceeds that may be payable to you or the estate.  To determine if your loved one held any other insurance policies that you might not be aware of you can contact the Canadian Life and Health Insurance Association and request a policy search under the name of the deceased.
5. Contact CRA or Revenu Quebec. Canada Revenue Agency (CRA) must be notified immediately and for anyone residing in Quebec, Revenu Quebec must be notified.
6. Don’t forget CPP or QPP. If the deceased was receiving CPP or QPP benefits then their offices must be notified so they can discontinue paying benefits and begin paying survivor benefits (which must be applied for), if applicable.  CPP – QPP
7. Banks, investment and credit card companies.  All of these institutions will need to be contacted and notified of the death for the assessment of all monies and investments, along with any debts that need to be settled.
8. Provincial Ministry of Transport.  To transfer ownership of a vehicle, contact your auto insurance company to arrange for a new insurance policy, or to cancel the current policy as applicable.

I have only touched upon some of the things you need to do after a loved one passes away so please make sure to contact your lawyer or other professional advisors for additional advice. May I also recommend you ask your funeral director for a minimum of fifteen copies of the death certificate; I had to go back for more.

After having said all of this, I would like to I leave you with this parting thought: please be kind to yourself in the days, weeks, months and even years that follow. Losing someone you love is never easy and nothing you do will change the fact they are gone. However, you can help to ease the burden by having your affairs in order before something happens. This is the greatest gift you can give yourself and your loved ones in a time of need. As I always say, “we have an obligation to ourselves and to those we love to leave this world in an organized manner”.