Michelle* is nearly 40, but she still remembers how fearful her father made her feel when she was a child. She remembers tiptoeing around the house, worried she would wake him after a night shift and face his wrath. She remembers him yelling at her for walking too slowly, twisting her arm and hauling her across the street. She remembers desperately trying to please him so the physical and emotional abuse would stop. But it never did. She was afraid to tell anyone what was happening, afraid to cry in public for fear she would be taken away from her loving mother. “I always felt the need to hide my sadness so people didn’t really know what was going on,” she says now. *Michelle is sharing her story under a pseudonym for privacy reasons.
When Michelle’s parents separated when she was seven, it was a relief. She moved into government housing with her mom and younger sister and brother, but still saw her father on occasion. Newly single, Michelle’s mom needed all the help she could get, so the kids started spending more time with her extended family. Sadly, they too were abusive, but Michelle’s mom missed the signs. Michelle and her siblings were too young to articulate what was happening.
“I struggled a lot. I was very depressed,” Michelle says. “I thought if I could just do everything right then people wouldn’t yell at me. I thought I could stop the abuse. I was very afraid of people because I thought everyone in the world was mean.”
Soon after moving into government housing, Michelle and her family started attending community dinners at the nearby neighbourhood house. A couple of years later, Michelle joined an after-school program for preteen girls after much cajoling from her mother. Michelle was having a hard time making friends and trusting people, but the program changed that and much more. “That program is where I blossomed because I could connect with other girls my age in a safe environment,” she recalls. “We talked about everything from issues with our families to fun things like music.”
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Most importantly, the after-school program helped Michelle see that she was loved and valued at a critical time when she was contemplating suicide. “I wasn’t used to people being nice to me unless they wanted something,” she says. “It really changed the way that I looked at myself. After-school programs change lives and save lives.”
This is why the United Way of the Lower Mainland (UWLM) invests in after-school programs at schools and community centres across the region. These inclusive programs help thousands of school-aged children feel a sense of belonging, build their confidence and connect with positive role models and a supportive peer group. Last year, the UWLM invested about $5.1 million into programs that help school-aged kids succeed. From hip hop classes to help with homework, there’s a wide range of programs available through the UWLM’s nonprofit partners.
“These programs offer an opportunity for children to develop key thinking and conceptual skills, get a sense of identity and independence, and really gain important life skills that are going to be the foundation for their success in high school and beyond,” says Kim Winchell, UWLM director of social impact, community impact and investment. “And parents get peace of mind knowing that while they’re at work, their kids are in a safe, supportive environment. It really does take a village to raise kids these days.”
Ten per cent of children in the Lower Mainland ages nine to 12 are unsupervised by an adult after school, which can lead to participating in unhealthy or dangerous activities, too much screen time, loneliness and even depression. Unsupervised children are also at increased risk of bullying, suicide, crime and gang violence. By Grade 7, 16 per cent of children are unsupervised.
Parents report that transportation, time, availability and cost hold them back from signing their kids up for activities, which is why the UWLM remove barriers to participation. For example, the programs are offered for free or at a very low cost, and they take place at schools or close by so program leaders can pick them up on the “walking school bus.” In the past decade, the UWLM has helped increase the number of children in safe, supportive places after school from 50 per cent to 85 per cent.
As a new mom, Michelle attends many of the programs for families and delights in the fact that two of her friends from the after-school program also attend with their children and some of the staff from her childhood are still there. “It’s like my second home and the people there are my family,” she says. “It’s the community living room where everybody comes together, and that’s where you find your support and your strength.”