Over the last eight months, Daly Parfieniuk has had to explain her reasons for being pregnant about 100 times. First, she was questioned by family members and then friends. Then, acquaintances started asking.
“It is an extremely foreign concept to everyone I’ve told,” Parfieniuk said. “Some were shocked and didn’t understand at first why I would do it.”
In spite of countless conversations over the last eight months, the mother of two says her seven-year-old son Owen explains it best.
“He just says: ‘There are two people who can’t have a baby so my mom is growing one for them.'”
Parfieniuk first thought about surrogacy long before she was even married.
“When I was a teenager, my mom mentioned to me how much she loved being pregnant, loved every part of it, so much so that she would have done it for somebody else. She would have been a surrogate,” Parfieniuk said. “I remember thinking that was such an incredible thing to say, but I didn’t really get it.”
Her mother’s comments hit home years later after Parfieniuk gave birth to Owen and then Lily. She loved being pregnant and becoming a mother was the single most rewarding experience of her life.
“I just thought if I could help somebody else feel this joy and this sense of being complete, which is what I feel now that I have my two children, I would do it,” Parfieniuk said. “It just felt like the right thing to do.”
WATCH: Daly Parfieniuk shares her husband’s reaction after she told him she wanted to be a surrogate.
In September 2015, Parfieniuk contacted a Toronto-based agency that matches surrogates with intended parents. She was matched with an international couple almost immediately. They agreed on a contract, which in Canada cannot include payment other than reimbursement for costs associated with the pregnancy. The agency introduced them over email and they later spoke via Skype.
“They had very similar values to Chris and I, which was important to us,” Parfieniuk said.
“They’re phenomenal people. They’re going to be such great parents.”
Within six months of their first email encounter, Parfieniuk had been implanted with the couple’s embryo. She says the process was “remarkably easy,” comparing it to a Pap test. The weeks that followed were a series of steps to create ideal conditions for pregnancy. Parfieniuk took estrogen pills three times a day and gave herself progesterone shots.
“The side effects that I experienced were bloating and extreme fatigue. Also, the injections left very painful lumps,” she said. “My butt was so sore I couldn’t run or do much physical activity other than walking.”
Two weeks after the embryo was transferred, blood work confirmed she was pregnant.
“We really were lucky that it took first try.”
Aside from a little bit of morning sickness and fatigue in the beginning and back pain in the last couple months, Parfieniuk says her pregnancy has been relatively easy like her first two. What’s unique is how she feels about the baby girl she’s carrying.
“I do have a bond with the baby, but not the same that I had with my own children,” Parfieniuk explained.
“When I feel this one kicking and moving around, I think about the parents and think about how their life is going to change. I get so excited for them. It’s just a different mindset.”
READ MORE: Fertility lawyer debunks myths about surrogacy in Canada
With the support of her surrogate “sisterhood” and feeling that her own family is complete, Parfieniuk isn’t concerned she won’t want to part with the baby. She’s scheduled to have a C-section Dec. 2 at an Edmonton hospital. The intended parents arrive in late November and will spend a month in Alberta before returning home with their new daughter.
Surrogacy has made Parfieniuk feel empowered, in awe of her body and grateful to give a couple the opportunity to grow their family. She ultimately hopes it will serve as a positive example for her own children.
“Maybe not now, but later in life when they look back on this,” she said.
“If they find themselves in a position to help others, I want them to take that opportunity.
“We’ve been talking a lot about how important it is to help others who do not have the same things we do. An obligation, really.”
There are signs her example is already shaping them.
Parfieniuk says Owen’s explanation of her surrogacy melts her heart.
“One of his friends asked why and he said: ‘Because it’s important to help people’ and that was it.”
Comments