Is Taking Part in China’s Big 60th Anniversary Parade Fun? It Depends!!

I'm sitting here watching China's big 60th anniversary bash on TV (like just about everyone else in the country since no one can actually watch the thing in person, except very carefully pre-screened invited guests) and I have to admit it's one impressive show with everything so perfectly timed and coordinated, it makes the Rose Bowl Parade look like a grade school pageant.

But as I watch the tens of thousands of people taking part in perfect symmetry, I can't help but think of a very strange story about parade participants I was told this past week (more on that in a bit).

Now finding something strange about this whole 60th anniversary is really saying something when you consider I'd already learned the parade meant a complete ban on pet pigeons, kites, model airplanes, blimps and just about anything else that flies, lest it get in the way of the aerial segment of the show (which as it happened, included the release of several hundred doves, obviously all carefully selected for ability, behaviour and loyalty).

I'd also seen that all military taking part had to march at exactly 116 steps a minute (and had been finely tuned in secret for months, thanks to a whole slew of methods including metronomes and walking with hats upside down to ensure posture). They had also been trained to blink only once every 40 seconds (try that yourself…I did and it's damn difficult. Now imagine doing it outdoors in the sunlight for hours).

There were also the usual promises from authorities of weather manipulation (and lo and behold, it's a beautiful day)…and the list goes on and on.

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But here's the story that really floored me. The one tale that put this whole huge, impressive, and bizarre spectacle into perfect context.

I was talking to a father the other day, and he told me his daughter's grade 6 class had been fortunate enough to be invited to take part in the parade.

He went on to say that she was excited, but also a little freaked out because she and her classmates had been told they would all have to wear diapers (yes, diapers) to ensure that symmetry I mentioned wasn't scuttled by some kid breaking formation and scurrying off to the bathroom mid-parade.

Maybe diaper-wearing is a long-standing practice among parade veterans, but I found the idea of forcing anyone to wear one, let alone a bunch of 11-year-olds, was pretty bizarre, especially given how happy they're meant to look the entire time they're on display. Can letting one of them dash off and rush back really be so awful? I can't help but wonder if everyone else marching by on the screen and the other 100,000 people taking part are wearing them too (and I'll be honest – it's kind of ruining the show for me).

Honestly, I know nothing about what goes into planning a parade (the only one I've ever taken part in is Montreal's annual St. Patrick's booze fest) and the results of this one speak for themselves. There wasn't a single visible flaw, not one missed beat, wrong step or sour note the entire time. The tanks rolled smoothly, the planes and choppers flew in perfect formation, and even the doves took off as planned into a fittingly clear blue sky.

I also didn't see any sign of rapid blinking, and trust me – I was watching – no bathroom breaks either.

Ben is Global National's Asia correspondent. He is based in Beijing.