As an accountant, Deb Richardson lived by a paradigm of success common in many fields pursued by her generation: the harder you work, the more you make.
“We track every six minutes of our time and so I learned that time equals money,” Richardson, 39, said. “I worked in an accounting firm -—a big accounting firm — and so the people who came in early and left late were noticed and honoured.”
For Richardson, chasing that model created a dizzying, workaholic lifestyle which she eventually abandoned for the flexibility and freedom of being self-employed. She built a business that would allow her to be with her children before and after school while working “good strong hours” part time rather than 60 hours a week. Richardson is determined to model a new version of success for her children, six-year-old Kaitlyn and four-year-old Charlie.
“Your worth isn’t based on how much money you have, make, your potential for earning. Your self worth is based on your own personal gifts and contribution to the world as opposed to a dollar.”
Richardson normalizes conversations about money for her children in numerous ways. She purposely leaves cash around her house so they can see money as a tangible thing, rather than something that moves to and fro with the swipe of a credit card. She also encourages Kaitlyn and Charlie to earn money in creative ways if they are saving up for a toy that goes beyond their family budget.
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Financial empowerment coach Selina Gray says discussing money with children from a young age is essential because the narratives we have developed around money — that it doesn’t grow on trees; it’s a struggle; or it is meant to be saved — are developed early on.
“We all have a money story: a collection of experiences and traumatic events, really, that have shaped how we see money,” Gray said. “When we think about our grandparents or the generation before that, money was very much a struggle… Lots of kids have grown up where you don’t talk about money with your friends, you don’t talk about how much mom and dad earn and it will take time to change that.”
Gray encourages parents to avoid making comments that shut down conversations about money, such as saying, “We can’t afford that.”
“It creates a ceiling for children. It’s like, ‘Oh, no – we are not allowed to have that,'” Gray said. “Instead, what we can be doing is saying, ‘This is how we prioritize spending in our family. These are the things we value.
“‘What do you think? How could we brainstorm ways to earn extra money so that we can buy those certain things.’ It’s not assuring we will but it gets them curious and thinking, and instead of implanting a ceiling about what’s possible, it creates an opportunity.”
When Kaitlyn wanted to buy LEGO that cost $80, she started washing cars to earn the money. Richardson says it led to a lesson that went beyond the value of hard work.
“(Kaitlyn’s) day home lady came to get her car washed so she could see the kids and she gave them a tip. Kaitlyn didn’t know what to do with the extra money because she priced it at five dollars and then she was given 10 dollars. So we got to talk about how sometimes money comes in unexpected ways and it’s called abundance.”
Richardson wanted to ensure Kaitlyn understood getting a tip didn’t mean she had to go back to the car and put in more work, a mentality that mirrored her misguided experience in accounting.
“We are grateful and we are thankful for it and we accept the gift.”