Did you get fooled by any of these bogus April Fools’ Day announcements?
Calgary Tower to be extended 200 metres
The joke: Ward 8 Coun. Evan Woolley wants the Calgary Tower to once again be the tallest building in the city.
Built in 1967 to celebrate Canada’s centennial, the tower used to be the tallest in Calgary — but has since been dwarfed by a number of skyscrapers.
As such, Woolley is putting forward a notice of motion to extend the tower some 200 metres beyond its current height.
“I’m thrilled about the new plans for the tower and really looking forward to being able to see my house from the elevated observation deck,” Woolley said in a mock Monday news release.
The truth: The iconic Calgary Tower isn’t going to be gaining any height any time soon. It will, however, be lit with spring colours on Monday, according to the CalgaryTower.com lighting schedule.
Calgary Police Service hires reptiles, cats, Guinea pigs
The joke: The Calgary Police Service (CPS) is building on the success of their Mounted Patrol Unit by adding additional crime-fighting animals via the Critter Unit Tactical Enforcement (CUTE).
The truth: No reptiles will be used to help police with recognizance in tight places. Although, the CPS is encouraging Calgarians to adopt from the Calgary Humane Society.
Adult nude skate at West Hillhurst Community Association
The joke: The northwest Calgary community association offered a chance for people over 18 to lace up their skates and hit the ice buck naked on April 1. The “judgement free” nude skating event was advertised on the association’s sign.
The truth: Keep your clothes on.
WestJet launches in-flight music festival
The joke: Calgary-based WestJet announced it was launching the “world’s first premium in-flight music festival.”
In a video posted to the WestJet website, the company said Flyre Festival would be held at 35,000 feet on a 787 Dreamliner, and would feature social influencers “getting down to EDM beats.”
The truth: Taking a jab at the failed Fyre Festival from 2017, WestJet’s Flyre Festival won’t be taking off any time soon.
Swoop Airlines introduces ‘Recline for a Dime’ feature
The joke: Canadian low-cost carrier Swoop Airlines, owned by WestJet, introduced Recline for a Dime — “something that really makes cents… 10 cents to be exact,” the company said. The program encouraged passengers to save money on features they don’t use when they take to the skies, instead paying 10 cents for every 10 degrees they reclined their seats.
“Swoop is not responsible for bruised knees, broken laptops or spilled beverages,” the airline’s website read. “It’s advised to use the flatter-than-flat feature for no more than one hour at a time. If lightheadedness occurs, be sure to return back to regular lie-flat position.
“To protect your space from aggressive recliners, splurge on our five degrees of freedom program that prevents seats from reclining straight into your face. For an additional $5 fee, choose the Rock-a-Fly-Baby™ feature to be gently rocked to sleep. Warm milk sold separately.”
The truth: You don’t have to pay to recline. Whew. But reclining is still limited to the standard airplane seat distance.
Alberta Motor Association launches polar vortex insurance
The joke: It would be welcome news for Albertans — the Alberta Motor Association said Monday that if the temperature in the province drops below -25 C for more than 14 consecutive days, polar vortex policyholders will be sent on a tropical vacation.
“It’s the most Canadian coverage you can get without a balaclava,” the AMA said in a news release.
AMA said the new insurance was a product of the AMA Innovation Centre, which has also created other products like drone-based roadside assistance, prescription windshields, and even a patent-pending road rage vaccine.
The truth: While we’d all love a tropical vacation after two weeks of freezing cold weather, this policy isn’t plausible.
Jasper National Park to start Arctic bear migration program
The joke: April 1 was the start of Jasper National Park’s bear migration program. The park said it would be taking animals from the Arctic and putting them in mountain parks. During migration, the bears’ white winter coats will turn black for summer.
The truth: No colour-changing bears will be moving to the Rockies any time soon.
NDP leader Rachel Notley announces Buck-a-Bucha
The joke: Under an NDP government, no Albertan will be excluded from the benefits of kombucha (‘bucha).
In a mock news release sent out on Monday, the NDP said the fermented tea is a favourite with a range of people “from yoga moms to Folk Fest goers.” As such, their plan is to improve the overall gut health of this province “one ‘bucha at a time.”
“We want the benefits of kombucha to be available to all Albertans,” Rachel Notley said. “Under a Jason Kenney government, kombucha will only truly be accessible to the top 1 per cent.”
The truth: No, Notley doesn’t actually want to make sure all Albertans have equal access to kombucha. Not a joke? Albertans head to the polls on Tuesday, April 16.
Alberta Liberal Party reacts to NDP logo change
The joke: The Alberta Liberal Party said the NDP is changing the colour of the font in its party logo from white to “UCP blue.”
In a mock statement on the Alberta Liberal Party website, leader David Khan said the NDP is going through a lot of changes during this election campaign.
“They are moving away from their traditional position on the political left. The old orange just doesn’t reflect their new values. It was time for a politically convenient makeover.”
The truth: Although the blue font on an orange background is eye-catching, the NDP have no plans to change their logo.
Comments