Saturday Night Live returned with yet another cold open, this time featuring guests on a parody of the show Tucker Carlson Tonight.
The host of the show, Tucker Carlson, played by Alex Moffat, opens the show with guest Jeanine Pirro, played by Cecily Strong.
“How are you?” Carlson asks.
“A lot,” Pirro responds.
Carlson warns her that he’ll ask questions she already knows the answers to, and that is voice is very high.
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Pirro warns that MS13 is getting so brazen in America that they’re promoting their own holiday, called Sicario Day, as a poster for the Mexican drug cartel movie Sicario shows.
Pirro says that if something doesn’t spark joy, then to throw it out.
“Guatemalans don’t spark joy for me,” she says.
When asked about furloughed workers going without pay due to the U.S. government shutdown, she said they were so honoured to work without pay that they did the universal gesture for jerking off to show how excited they were.
The next guest on the show was U.S. Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross, played by Kate McKinnon.
When Carlson asked whether he is out of touch with Americans, Ross said rather than take out high-interest loans, which he admits was stupid to say, furloughed workers could liquidate their stocks or sell one of their paintings. Or, instead of going out for dinner, they could open a restaurant in their house.
Next on the show was recently indicted Roger Stone, played by Steve Martin.
Stone was very excited to have been indicted, saying it is the happiest he has been in his life.
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Carlson reminds Stone that he should be acting to get viewers’ pity, so Stone quickly changes his tune, saying he is a poor helpless old man, as old as Sting, and is broke from the legal battles and no one will buy his books.
“Why?” Carlson asks.
“Because they’re bad,” Stone says, with a send-off asking U.S. President Donald Trump for a pardon.