Insomnia, nightmares and suicidal thoughts “haunted” Amanda Lindhout after her release from 15 months held in captivity in Somalia.
The Alberta woman gave a harrowing victim impact statement Wednesday at the sentencing hearing for Ali Omar Ader, who was found guilty last year of hostage-taking.
EXTENDED VIDEO: Former Somali hostage says he doesn’t want life in prison for his tormentor
Entering the Ottawa courtroom in tears, Lindhout went on to describe the abuse and sexual assault she endured while captive, and the psychological pain that has followed her release.
“Insomnia plagues me…nightmares are almost always scenes from Somalia,” Lindhout said.
“I sometimes wake up screaming.”
She even researched methods of suicide, Lindhout said, telling the court that she at one point Googled the least-painful ways to take your own life.
Lindhout, who wrote a best-selling book about her ordeal, said being repeatedly sexually assaulted while in captivity “made me hate myself.”
In the years since her release, she remains “hypervigilant,” checking under her bed or behind the shower curtain for kidnappers. But, Lindhout said, her experience will not define her.
“I am the victim but I am also the survivor,” Lindhout said.
In 2008, Lindhout, raised in Red Deer, Alta., and photographer Nigel Brennan of Australia were snatched by armed men while pursuing a story, the beginning of 15 months as hostages.
Brennan also gave an impact statement Wednesday, describing his own lasting trauma and nightmares, and said he feels guilt over Lindhout’s abuse.
Being forced to hear Lindhout’s screams from torture in an adjoining room is “a memory that will mentally stay with me for the rest of my life,” he said.
“Unable to protect Amanda…I felt survivor’s guilt,” said Brennan.
Still, Brennan expressed compassion for Ader, telling the court he does not wish for the man involved in his lengthy captivity and hostage negotiations to spend the rest of his life behind bars.
Brennan later said that giving his impact statement felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders.
Ader, 40, spoke Wednesday and repeatedly apologized to Lindhout and Brennan, before asking for leniency and “a second chance.”
“Your honour, I ask that you give me back my freedom so I can take care of my kids, my family and do good and be thankful for the rest of my life,” Ader said.
The Somalian national was lured by RCMP to Canada on the pretext of signing a lucrative book-publishing deal, leading to his arrest in Ottawa in June 2015.
At his trial, Ader claimed that he was forced into serving as a negotiator and translator on behalf of a gang who threatened to harm him and his family. Ontario Superior Court Justice Robert Smith disagreed, ruling that Ader was a “willing participant.”
On Wednesday, Ader’s lawyer asked for leniency in his client’s sentencing, arguing that Ader was not involved in the actual kidnapping of Lindhout and Brennan and that his involvement did not lengthen their time in captivity.
Ader faces life in prison. He is scheduled to be sentenced on June 18.
— With files from Global News reporter Mike LeCouteur and The Canadian Press.