This past weekend, SNL parodied what it might look like to have Melania Trump — and the other main ladies in the entrepreneur’s life — say “boy, bye” (a la Beyonce in “Sorry“) to the 2016 Republican presidential nominee.
“Here lies my last nerve, Donald,” Cecily Strong crooned with an Eastern European accent as she played the 46-year-old in the now-viral “Melanianade” skit.
“I can’t take it anymore.”
Strong sings of how she’s “had enough” while flanked by Emily Blunt as Ivanka Trump, Vanessa Bayer as Tiffany Trump, Kate McKinnon as campaign manager Kellyanne Conway, and Sasheer Zamata as his “one black friend” Omarosa.
In one scene, SNL’s Melania takes a page from Beyonce’s Lemonade and takes a bat to a TV as a news banner reads “more accusers come forward.”
Last week, 10 women accused him of inappropriately touching them. One of his accusers, a Canadian writer, claims Trump forced himself on her as his then-pregnant wife Melania changed outfits. Trump refuted the accusation by essentially saying the writer wasn’t attractive enough for him to accost.
Many have pointed out it’s not exactly the best defense for someone who’d just been outed for bragging about sexually assaulting women to Billy Bush (who, for what it’s worth, may get a multi-million-dollar payout to leave NBC following the scandal).
So who could blame the former Slovenian model for ditching Donald? Increasingly, it seems no one (including The Telegraph).
She lambasted her husband over the now-infamous tape, recorded three months after they wed in 2005, calling his words “unacceptable and offensive.” (A sexologist, it should be noted, once told Global News such disgust is one of the signs it’s time to pull the plug on a relationship.)
Now, the more embroiled Trump becomes in controversy, the more focused champions of the campaign to “free Melania” grow.
One magazine even came up with a list of New York’s best divorce lawyers for Melania.
So what’s Melania to do? With inspiration from the #SaveMelania campaigners, here are a few suggestions for her on how she could #DumpTrump.
1. Hold a press conference and expose his tax returns.
As his third wife of almost 12 years, you’ve probably come across a lot of juicy secrets.
Few, we’re guessing, would satisfy the public more than those tax returns.
Find them. Release them. And free yourself.
You would be an international hero.
2. Tell Donald you’re an Eastern European spy.
Conspiracy theorists have wondered whether you might be a spy sent by Russia.
Well, now would be a great time to play that card. Think of it as your emergency chute that could save you from going down with Donald.
Just tell him Putin sent you to infiltrate the White House, but you can’t go through with it anymore.
Your hubby will be so distraught over his bromance betrayal that it’ll give you the chance to escape.
3. Move to Canada.
Join all the Americans ready to relocate north of the border if your husband wins.
They’ve been planning the cross-border move since February.
4. Move to Slovenia.
If you’re not sold on Canada, it’s OK. We won’t take it personally.
We hear you’re a big deal in your home town of Sevnica.
The town even seemed ready to erect a statue of you and turn its local castle into an American embassy.
Sure, it turned out to be an April Fool’s joke, but you might be able to convince the mayor to let you crash there if you move out of your Trump Tower digs.
He did say you put the town’s name “on the map of the world.”
Maybe you could even finish that degree in design and architecture.