Canadian Olympic gold medallist and Winnipeg mom Jill Officer gives us a twice-monthly look behind the scenes of her dual life in her blog, Jill’s House.
As I walked toward the escalator at Winnipeg’s airport after arriving home a day earlier than scheduled, I was anticipating seeing an excited Camryn at the bottom of the escalator. However, I didn’t anticipate exactly how excited she would be and wished I had pulled my phone out to video it.
“Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” she yelled and giggled as she jumped up and down as soon as she saw me waving at the top of the escalator. And that continued the whole way down.
Dawn, from my team, and myself were giggling because she was so excited. And Dawn, who is also a mom, said, “This is bringing tears to my eyes!”
Needless to say when I arrived at the bottom, I got the biggest and longest hug ever.
I’ve always known that she misses me when I am away, even though sometimes when we FaceTime she doesn’t have the time of day for me. Or when I talk to her on the phone she talks for two minutes and then says, “Can I go now?”
But I will say this curling season has been harder, the hardest yet. On both her and I. She knows more. She is more aware of her feelings and more aware of time and days that go by. Therefore, she has also vocalized more how much she misses me when I am away and expresses so much more when I come home.
I am glad she talks about it. But that is also what pulls at my heart when I feel guilty for being away so much. I tell her she is always in my heart and I am always in hers. And I do my best to shower her with love but also maintain my role as parent and disciplinarian.
As much as I do feel guilty sometimes, I have also made a commitment. Curling is my career and I have made a commitment to it – a commitment to my team and a commitment to my dream of once again going to the Olympics.
Can I be faulted for following my dream? Not as long as I have balance – balance between family, curling and life in general.
I guess I could be faulted or judged but I feel, as a female athlete, I am judged more than our male counterparts (there is a whole other blog on that to write!).
But that is why when I am home with my family; I do my best to be connected, to be present, especially with my kid, which is part of why I feel she is so excited when I do come home. I want the time I spend with her to be of great quality.
When I really step back and look at the whole situation, I hope Camryn understands, as she gets older. I truly want her to look at me and see that she can follow her dreams too and still be a great wife and mom, if she so chooses.
And as long as Camryn continues to tell me I am “the best mom” as she told me today, I will continue to find balance and still follow my dreams.
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