It used to be so simple.
Your mom dropped you off at your little friend’s birthday party, modest gift in hand, say a colouring book and a handmade card, with stern instructions to behave.
You played some simple games like tag or hide ‘n’ seek. Then you ran around like crazy, hopped up on Kool-Aid and homemade birthday cake.
The birthday boy tore open his presents, was prodded by his parents to say thanks, everyone scribbled in his new colouring book and you went home, more or less happy.
Today, parents and kids navigate a minefield when it comes to celebrating these rites of passage.
The parents of little guests fret about how much to spend on a gift, and whether it will meet the approval of the birthday child who already owns every cool toy known to kid.
The hosting parents face a staggering array of choices – will that be Boston Pizza, The Flip Factory or Shakers Fun Centre for the venue? A bouncy castle, magician or petting zoo for entertainment? Fairy princess, Wiggles or wizards for a theme? Professional party planner or DIY?
In the past decade, kids’ birthday parties have been transformed into expensive, elaborate and competitive events, fuelled by a lack of time and the twin drivers of parental ambition and insecurity. Problem is, it may not be all that good for children, say experts.
Parents grumble that the competition starts early. Their three-and four-year-olds would be perfectly satisfied with a classic party involving cupcakes, pin-the-tail-on-the donkey and balloons – if they lived in a bubble. But when their kids attend other children’s celebrations, they too want the Build-a-Bear Workshop party. And who can say no?
Juliane Braren remembers when it was all so much simpler, when she was a child.
"You ate hotdogs and you ran around," she says with a laugh.
Now the Calgary mother of two runs a business planning and executing children’s birthday parties.
Dressed as a glittering princess, gruff pirate or whatever the theme calls for, the bubbly Braren brings the party to people’s homes.
"Parents don’t have to do much, save for buying a cake," says Braren, who founded Dream A Theme Party in 2003.
During the boom, she juggled 10 parties every weekend with hired help. In 2009, the recession slashed her business by 70 per cent. Now she does four weekly parties, single-handedly, and is happier not having to feed a machine. Still, she’s booked into April with two-hour parties that can cost up to $375 for eight children and includes handmade invitations and thank-you notes, decorations, costumes and face painting, games, materials to make stuffed animals, loot bags and cleanup.
A comparable party in the United States would run over $1,000, she says. Still, that’s a far cry from the $100,000 Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise reportedly spent on daughter Suri’s second birthday party.
Assuming you’re not a celebu-parent, why "outsource" your kid’s party?
"The No. 1 reason why moms are doing this is because they have no time," says Braren. "People just don’t have the time anymore to even do the hotdogs.
"No. 2 is keeping up with the Joneses. Your daughter goes to a party with a princess at it and the whole nine yards. She comes home and says, ‘Oh, mommy, the princess was great! I want her for MY party.’ What are you going to do? Say, ‘No, honey, we’re having hotdogs. And the princess can’t come to your party.’
"It’s tough. I feel sorry for the moms and families who can’t afford it," says Braren, who admits she probably couldn’t afford her own services.
The No. 3 reason for paying someone to do your kid’s birthday party is that some parents lack creativity and confidence, she says.
"A lot of moms may have the time and the money, but they just don’t know what games to play. They’re like, ‘Oh, my goodness, I have to have these kids in my house for an hour and a half? What am I going to do?’ "
Braren has creativity in spades. The Star Wars theme party she does as part of her business was originally created for her son Zack’s fifth birthday party.
To be fair, there are other factors. Parties involving twins, triplets and special-needs kids are a handful, says Jennifer Rowsell, the owner of Enchanted Events, a children’s party place in West Hillhurst.
And in winter, some families lack indoor play space.
Tamara Ewashen and her partner didn’t want a horde of wired kids trashing their house for son Robert’s fifth birthday, so they opted to hold his party last Friday at the Flip Factory, a gymnastics centre in Inglewood.
"If you’re in your home, unless you have a huge play area, you’re going to be doing a lot of damage control. If his was a summer birthday, I’d be more likely to do something in the yard, but we don’t have a huge place, so it’s kind of nice to do it somewhere there’s a bit more room, like a gym."
At Robert’s party, an instructor took the 10 kids through a warm-up, followed by time on the trampoline and a reverse bungee jump. They did cartwheels and generally burned off steam for 75 minutes. Then it was upstairs to a party room for fruit, cheese, crackers, juice, cupcakes and opening presents.
Robert’s fave gift was a homemade "monster hunting kit" from a little girl. It included a headlamp, foam shields and swords and monster-fighting pills, a.k.a. Smarties.
The party cost about $250.
"I don’t think we’d do it every year because I consider that a pretty big outlay," says Ewashen, a 44-year-old massage therapist. "But it was a special occasion birthday and I think he’s old enough to remember it. And all the kids had fun."
There’s also the wild boy factor.
"Boys parties? I always say I should charge twice as much," says Braren, adding that at one of her parties, a young male guest bit and hit a staff member and destroyed the decorations. She no longer does parties for boys ages seven and up.
"Really, they just want to go out and play laser tag. They want to be moving, hitting each other over the head with something."
Boys aside, Braren says the hardest part of her job is dealing with tightly wound mommies and daddies.
"The kids are always so happy with whatever I do. But it’s the parents who want perfection. I’ve had people get mad at me because I brought the wrong colour plates. The balloons were pink and purple and I brought yellow plates.
"It’s painful. People need to chill."
Acclaimed author Carl Honore agrees, wondering who perfect parties are for – kids or their parents’ egos?
In his book Under Pressure, he cites research on parents’ and kids’ attitudes about birthday parties. It found parents thought their children wanted "a big, huge, Broadway-esque extravaganza and would be satisfied with nothing less. But, when asked, the children said the opposite. They wanted a few friends around and to have some fun with them."
And if little Suzie demands the elaborate fairy princess party, Honore says "you need to roll up your sleeves and be a parent. Sometimes it means saying no."
He believes reining in the birthday party – and returning to the "1950s-style" kids’ party, something he does with his own two kids – is in our children’s best interests.
"What is left for you by the age of seven if you’ve had the most extraordinary parties?" he asks.
"When you give your child the best of everything, I don’t think that’s the best policy. When a child grows up in a bubble of perfection, a little gilded cage, he or she never learns a much more valuable life lesson, which is how to make the best of what you’ve got.
"It’s a lot more useful than enjoying the best of everything, served to you on a silver platter."
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