Tears are running down my cheeks and my heart is doing back flips. Tonight is a night to remember.
When I feel overwhelmed with emotion like this, I find it’s always my favourite time to write, especially if it involves my kids.
You wake up in the morning and there’s crying and whining and defiance. Nothing is going smoothly, you keep raising your voice and you threaten to take away everything they love. Foreveeeerrrr! You’re fed up, it’s barely 9 a.m. and you’re trying to figure out the fastest way to get to Chapters so you can pick up a parenting book on how to raise a-hole children!
Of course you never get around to getting that book, or folding that laundry, or making that phone call. But something better, much better happens.
Your child comes back from the dayhome with a brand new attitude. Dinner gets eaten, bath time is filled with giggles, and teeth brushing doesn’t involve any wrestling. Your mind is blown, and you and your partner keep glancing at each other in disbelief, but you figure it’s best not to question it. Just roll with it while the going is good.
Bedtime comes next and you decide… why not strike while the iron is hot and beg for a hug. Just one. And (WTF!!!)… you get one.
If you know Emmanuelle, she is not one to give out hugs carelessly, at least not to me. Stars have to align. It has to be the right time of day, she has to be in the best mood, I have to have done something really awesome and I can’t make the first move. Ever. She’s normally not a fan of kisses either. In fact, she would probably prefer if you didn’t touch her at all. (Yet she always has to be right next to you. #walkingcontradiction).
I love it when Emmanuelle surprises me like that. That hug felt sooo good. It made me realize how badly I needed it from her. In a way, it was as though we were hitting the reset button on another tumultuous day in our household.
Yet another reminder of how amazingly messed up this whole journey is.
Parenting is far from perfect and pretty. It’s just raw and rewarding as hell.
For me, the pendulum of parenthood swings most often in the “difficult” direction, it’s nice to see it go the other way once in a while. And when it does, I don’t take it for granted. I need to make a big deal about it… and write a blog post!
If you must know, Emmanuelle held that hug for at least 10 seconds, just long enough for my eyes to well up. Her little chest was pressed up against mine and she even wrapped her legs around my waist. Then she stared right at me, grabbed my face with her two little hands, paused, and went back in for a second hug. And then a third. CRRRRAAAAZZZYYYY. She just kept squeezing…. and squeezing… and squeezing. And I just kept crying haha!
She was affectionate, I felt vulnerable, love was definitely in the air. So I did it. I dared to ask for a kiss. What I got back was classic Emmanuelle. “NOOOOOOO mommy!”
Oh well. It was good while it lasted.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Carole Anne will be blogging during her maternity leave — but only if the kids are fed, changed and occupied! Follow along at www.cadevaney.com.