It’s been several years, but Danna Henderson still can’t believe the pain and suffering her ex-boyfriend put her through.
“It started on his birthday (in June 2009),” she explained. “He was drinking, I wasn’t. I was sober but I don’t even remember what happened, I just remember getting dragged and getting kicked and punched.”
The violence continued through the night. Finally, she had enough.
“I remember phoning the RCMP because this was out of town, and sitting, thinking, how did I get myself into this mess?” Henderson said. “It all just snuck up on me.”
For Henderson, domestic violence was something she’d experienced before, but as an actor it was for a movie role. In March, 2009 she began production of a movie called “This Time Last Summer” about Iona, a girl who finds herself in an abusive relationship, trying to piece together the night she lost consciousness.
Only months later, Henderson found her life was imitating her art.
“Iona does not want to admit this can happen, or that she was put into this position,” Henderson explained. “And that was totally me.”
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On that June night, Henderson’s life changed. She says she knew the signs beforehand, including emotional abuse and possessiveness. But somehow she missed something. Even with her ex-boyfriend in jail, he was still in Henderson’s life.
“He started phoning from jail,” she said, “and I had accepted his calls.
“(He kept saying) ‘I’m changed, I’m better. I won’t let it happen again’. At that point, all I could think about was how he treated me before.”
Before the abuse her ex-boyfriend treated Henderson like a princess. When he got out of jail, things were fine for a while, and the couple even moved in together. Then the abuse progressed.
“Pretty much every day, more than five times a day getting pushed down,” Henderson said. “And getting a fist shoved in my mouth.
“He would always say, you can’t tell anybody, because there are no marks on your face.”
So she kept silent, and the physical and emotional abuse continued. Henderson’s parents eventually intervened and called police. Her abuser was charged and sent to jail.
Henderson says if it were not for her family, she might still be in the relationship.
“It’s not that easy,” Henderson said. “You can’t just walk away. You can’t. You’re stuck.”
Her situation isn’t unique – emergency shelters see it play out every day.
“Domestic violence continues to be a problem in Saskatchewan, particularly for some of the more rural areas where people can’t access intervention or programs,” Sarah Valli, Executive Director of Sofia House said.
Even when women do have access, finding the courage to leave their partner is difficult. The women stay because they love them, for the kids, and out of fear.
“We really hope we’re reaching the community and able to get the word out there that this is not the way to live,” Valli explained.
The violence is over for Henderson, but she still fears her ex-boyfriend will show up on her doorstep. He has already tried. Henderson is now in a new relationship and even has a daughter, but she can’t believe the abuse happened to her.
“No matter how strong, how intelligent you think you are, anybody can get caught in domestic violence,” Henderson said.
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