There are no jugs of beer or big-screen TVs with the game on. A Bow Valley, Alta., group is not only stripping away the stereotypes seemingly chained to perceived “male bonding,” but it’s also redefining masculinity in a world where too many men struggle in silence.
“Suffering alone was not working. I kind of hit a point where I was like, I can’t be the only one,” said Graeme Ford, founder of Man Aligned.
Ford started the group after attending his first men’s circle in San Diego a few years ago.
“When I was there one of the biggest learnings I had was, when you raise your hand and say this is how I feel, does anyone else resonate? And I looked around the room and 90 per cent of the room felt the same way I did, so I took that feeling back,” said Ford.
He started the first men’s circle in the Bow Valley and interest has been growing steadily ever since.
“A lot of men carry huge weights that they can’t explain to women. They just can’t resonate, not because women don’t understand or don’t have compassion but it’s just different,” said Ford.
Men from a wide range of backgrounds and in different stages of their lives have been drawn to the events put on by Man Aligned.
Fraser Duncan, a 37-year-old electrician and oil field worker, started going after struggling with his own mental health.
“Pretty much all through my 30s (I had) bouts of depression and I didn’t know of a way to connect. I didn’t want it to include drinking or be tied to a sport, I kind of felt lost,” said Duncan.
“There’s a lot of power in being able to have role models that are men that have similar struggles that maybe have faced similar trials in their lives with roles and families.
“Sharing the resilience and the ability to overcome in their journeys has been hugely powerful, hugely beneficial.”
Circles are held in Banff and Canmore during the week. There are also longer and multi-day events held on some weekends in the wilderness. The group team-builds, meditates, stretches and shares; what happens there stays there. But both participants and facillators agree the internal takeaway is huge.
“Sometimes men just gather in the bar or a sports environment and are always doing something — towards something but never talking about mental health,” said Hugo Lopez, a circle facilitator.
“With men’s circle we are trying to provide a safe space where men can be together, can connect with themselves. We are not therapists, we are learning from each other, with each other in a place we can be vulnerable.”
The Banff-based yoga instructor said people crave connection but it often doesn’t extend past the screen in their palm.
“Back in the day it was normal for the men of the village to gather around the fire to talk with the boys to explain the real responsibility of men,” said Lopez.
“Today we are misunderstanding the real responsibility of men, they are often not necessarily the financial provider or someone just to work and work and burn themselves out…. Men are also allowed to feel, to hold space and have a responsibility to provide love in the household.”
Realtor Nathan Weima attended one of the longer events. He, too, was yearning for more meaning in his life and a better way to feel and to be.
“I learned I was wearing a lot of masks throughout society, I wasn’t really being who I really am,” said the 42-year-old. “In the end, I really learned to love myself and the proper reasons for why, I learned to find internal self-confidence and self-esteem,” said Weima.
There’s no pressure on the men to open up or share. Both participants and facilitators agree the connection alone and the permission to truly be themselves is the real healing medicine.
“For a lot of men it can take a real low bottom that you have to hit before you make that step and it doesn’t have to be that way,” said Weima.
It’s a brotherhood of hope and healing, chipping away at the stigma too many endure alone.