WATCH ABOVE: In part two of Life After Loss, Tracy Nagai looks at a young woman’s disturbing disappearance and the lengths her sister was willing to go to find answers.
CALGARY – Dilleen Hempel was a waitress when she was abducted on her way home from work nearly 23 years ago.
Her sister, Jilleen Kosko, searched for her incessantly for months after the abduction–sometimes even putting her own life in danger.
“I spent nights in my car, parked in the intersection where they found my sister’s car, kind of setting myself up as bait. Thinking perhaps that I might be able to do something,” she said.
Jilleen was only 28 years old at the time. Her motivation in finding her sister forced her to take time off work and the search became a full-time job. Her health also suffered.
“I drank too much, and I smoked too much. I did not have a very healthy lifestyle because it didn’t matter to me beyond the fact I needed to get there,” Jilleen admitted.
Victim specialists say this way of dealing with grief is not uncommon.
“A person who has a loved one who is missing goes along this emotional roller coaster, from hope to despair to everything in between, because there is no answer yet as to where their loved one is,” said Brent Hutt, of the Calgary Police Service Victim Assistance Support Team (VAST).
Experts say families of missing people need to take care of themselves, even through their grief.
“When and if they come back, you need to be in a good place: healthy and well as best as you can through this whole thing,” said Mona Cooley, from Cool Family Solutions.
Five months after Dilleen’s disappearance, the search ended in tragedy when her body was discovered.
A man, unknown to the young waitress, had followed her home from the bar where she worked and lured her from her car. Steven Beirnes then shot her twice in the back of her head and buried her in a shallow grave in sight of his living room window.
Beirnes committed suicide while in prison in 2005. Jilleen feels relief in knowing he’s gone, but she refuses to sleep on the anniversary of her sister’s death.
In the early days after Dilleen’s death, Jilleen received considerable support that helped her get through her tragedy. More than 20 years later, she continues to reach out.
Today, Jilleen Kosko’s writes poems to keep her sister’s memory alive. Read one of her pieces below:
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