CALGARY- Spreadsheets can be helpful for tracking household finances—but it’s probably best to keep them out of the bedroom.
That’s the lesson after a man detailed every time his wife refused his advances over a month-long period, then detailed it on an Excel spreadsheet. Excuses included “I’m watching the show,” “You’re too drunk” and “I feel gross.”
He then e-mailed the document to his wife as she was leaving to the airport ahead of a 10 day trip. She eventually uploaded it to Reddit, where it quickly went viral.
Hundreds of people took sides before the thread was locked, including some in support of the wife who called the spreadsheet “bitter and immature.”
“I think that he put a lot of time and effort into it, and if he put that much time and effort into maybe having a conversation with her the relationship may not have evolved to this,” said Sandy, who did not want to give her last name.
Therapists say sexual dissatisfaction is a common issue among couples, but suggest using constructive forms of communication as opposed to e-mailing spreadsheets to each other.
“I think it’s really important to choose when, possibly even where to talk about it,” says Deborah Kieran from the Calgary Counselling Centre. “I don’t think the bedroom would be a helpful place to discuss this. I [also] think that timing for such a discussion would be important.”
She adds that different expectations can often lead to conflict.
“It’s common for couples to feel there should be a different frequency of most things, whether it’s cleaning the kitchen or having sex.”
Kieran recommends that couples who lead busy lives try scheduling special time together, even if it seems unnatural at first.