Jill’s House: How to talk about the subject of death with your kids

Canadian Olympic gold medallist and Winnipeg mom Jill Officer gives us a twice-monthly look behind the scenes of her dual life in her blog, Jill’s House.

It had been two days of my daughter being scared when I dropped her off at school – “I’m scared to be without you,” she’d say.

Then, on the second evening, when I said goodnight and was about to close the door, she says “mom, how will I get to heaven if my body will be in the ground?”

“Uhhhhhhhhhh….”

“Mom, I don’t want to go to heaven,” looking frightened.

“Uhhhhh…”

“Mom, I don’t want you to go to heaven.”

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I was completely caught off guard by all these questions and comments about heaven and dying. She looked terrified. But I fumbled my way through some answers just to ease her mind, at least for now.

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I told her how wonderful a place heaven is and that she could have ice cream for breakfast, lunch and supper if she wanted. Her face lit up.

When she asked if her great grandma and great grandpa were up in heaven, I said yes, and that great grandma used to love to dance so I bet she is having a dance party up there right now.

Our conversation seemed to at least calm her to the point that she could go to sleep, but I am not sure what it did to me!

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Thing is, my husband and I are not religious people. We don’t go to church or practice any religion. Truthfully, we had only agreed a couple of years ago to reference heaven as a place that people and animals go when they die, hoping that it was something for her little mind to grasp.

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So while she calmly dozed off to sleep, I was left feeling a touch guilty about being so unprepared and probably even more so that I had no strong belief of my own about an afterlife that I could confidently relay to her.

Having said that, we’ve always believed that we would help guide our child to her own beliefs and make her own choices in life including about religion and spirituality.

Granted she is five, but what’s the harm in posing the question to her about what she thinks, rather than me imposing a belief on her? Especially one that I am not sure I believe!

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Next time we talk, I will be much more prepared, but what I think one of the beautiful things about our kids is that they challenge us to face and explore our own beliefs.

And there is no doubt now, that her and I will be exploring our spirituality together and that’s a beautiful thing.