They hadn’t even met her yet and already a mother who had just given birth chose her baby’s new parents. A birth mom went through files of adoptive parents and decided Pamela and John Ramotowski deserved the gift of her newborn son.
This is Part III of Jill Croteau’s three-part series on open adoption: Forever Families. Click here for Part I and here for Part II.
The Ramotowskis were on the adoption list at the Alberta agency Adoption Options, which offers open adoptions—in which the birth parent stays involved in the child’s life, even as he or she is raised by adoptive parents.
When the couple got the call from their social worker to come to the hospital to meet their new child, they were filled with emotion.
“We went in to the nursery and there he was,” Pamela remembers. “We stood there on either side of him and just had that feeling of love.”
John said he’ll never forget that moment.
“The first time I laid eyes on Jackson I knew he was mine.
“No one could tear him away from me.”
Minutes later, the birth mom walked into that nursery to meet them for the very first time.
“She looked at us and she said, ‘hi mom and dad’ and looked at (Jackson) and said, ‘you’re the luckiest little boy in the world and you’re gonna have such a great life,’” Pamela said through tears.
“It was absolutely perfect and the way it was supposed to be.”
Less than two years later, they got a call from the same adoption agency to tell them their birth mom was pregnant again and wanted them to have her second-born. Jackson was about to be a big brother.
“It was amazing to be the first person to hold him and that was such a gift the birth mom gave us,” Pamela said.
Pamela Ramotowski and Max
But that would be the last time they would see her. Despite arrangements of an open adoption, the birth mom decided that for now, it’s best not to visit.
John said they look forward to the day she’s ready to be a bigger part of their family.
“The boys have the option to go find her and we know how to find her.”
Adoption Options executive director Sheryl Proulx said birth moms experience many feelings.
“There’s huge loss and grief making an adoption plan.”
The Ramotowskis said they will be patient and wait for the right time for everyone involved.
“It would be wonderful if we could have more of a relationship with her,” Pamela said. “She’s amazing and she’s very giving and loving and very spiritual and would be a great gift for the boys.”