Episode 104: New-cleuses and Old-timers

The countdown is over. The day is upon us when all characters (namely, the ones featured in the commercials) have dispensed with their differences, tossed aside their prejudices and postjudices (yes, I’m making this word up) and have come together to form the nucleus of 90210.

That they are from Kansas, his brother’s autistic, his dad makes porn, her mother concedes her father’s philandering ways, and she writes a slanderous blog that gets updated almost as infrequently as this one will cease to matter. Once Dixon assumed the Peach Pit mantle (of course, Nat had to recall the last out-of-towner he hired), and Silver and Naomi made nice, the last pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Now we just have to sit back and watch the drama ensue.

I confess: I’m not a parent (at least, I don’t think I am). I know nothing about instilling in others a sense of discipline and responsibility. But is lacrosse practice seriously more important than getting a part-time job?! Does Harry think that all that arduous physical activity with a bunch of manly men will repress all those teenage sexual urges Dixon may be feeling? If it does then Father Wilson, you put Bill Cosby to shame.

Not sure if you can be pigeon-holed after one role but if you can, Jessica Walter is now their poster-girl (sounds like a superhero; captures villains by sticking them to the wall). Those of you familiar with her work on Arrested Development must have scoffed at that Full House moment when gramma quits the play after realizing how much of an overbearing director she can be. I sat there waiting for the other shoe to drop but apparently, her apology was sincere. Oh, how the malicious and self-absorbed have fallen.

Shall we discuss the grand “reveal”? Quite the surprise there… almost twenty years later and Brenda and Kelly are still arguing over Dylan McKay.

Will the sideburned make an appearance sometime soon? Here’s hoping he does, as my tolerance of Ryan is down to its embers. He’s just too needy and whiny. He’s asking to be a part of Kelly’s son’s life after half-a-date? Again, I’m not a parent, but if seven seasons of the Gilmore Girls have taught me anything, it’s that single mothers do not let suitors meet their child until the child is at least 16 years old (or the suitor in question ends up being the child’s high school English teacher).

What’s next? Hopefully, a “dance” episode. We are four hours in. They should have already had two formals by now. When’s the Sadie Hawkins dance? That should be fast approaching, shouldn’t it?

The couples are in place: Dixon and Silver have non-asked each other out several times already. Naomi and Dustin are getting back together again (though I might argue they never really broke up), while Annie and the rich guy’s relationship seems to be on the mend.

All they need now is a group dance number and a student who jeopardizes their eligibility to graduate by attending the party drunk. “Dixon Miller graduates!” anyone?